Things Left Unsaid...
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Posted:Sep 8, 2009 4:31 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2011 2:06 pm
24818 Views
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First, some housekeeping... I've taken the summer off from CityHookups.com... which neatly coincided with a bad case of writer's block. On the positive side, I've caught a lot of salmon. I am back now... we'll see if I can get un-blocked.
(like anyone notices I am not around...)
I am curious to know what the blog world thinks about this...
I recently met someone from CityHookups.com. We met for dinner, and we had a very nice time. We talked a lot... there was some flirting, but no sex. We made some tentative plans to get together again soon, with the implicit understanding that it would be more, shall we say, down to business.
But we're at that interim point... we haven't made specific plans, so exactly what and when is still up in the air. We trade the occasional text message, or chat online. The conversation is personal, for sure... but it isn't hot. I am OK with that... in fact, I think I prefer it. Not that I am afraid to have a hot and steamy conversation... But in my mind, the problem with them is that it advances one agenda (sex) at the exclusion of others... like connecting at a lot of different levels... deciding that you care about someone, getting to know them, hearing about their hobbies... even being there for them when they need to talk to someone. When the time is right, nobody is going to confuse my version of "hot and steamy" for anything other than what it is. My problem is when the opposite happens - that "hot and steamy" is supposed to substitute for building a relationship.
It sounds like I am putting the cart before the , talking about building a relationship after one dinner. A relationship is really out there at an extreme; the opposite pole being a one-nighter. I am looking for something that is in-between. But I don't want to run the risk of becoming the "big brother", or the "best friend". So I am wondering about finding that balance.
So, blog friends, where is that balance?
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Thanks, Governor Sanford!
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Posted:Jun 25, 2009 10:34 am
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2009 7:47 pm
23191 Views
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I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a rather unusual childhood. I grew up in Washington, DC, and I was fortunate enough to have some well-connected friends and neighbors. I went to school with the sons and daughters of congressmen and senators, and went to church with some of the most powerful and influential people in the world. I attended social events with presidential candidates... and all of this seemed strangely normal to me. I was a little surprised that not every had those kinds of experiences.
I was unusual in another respect, too... I was a news hound... even in elementary school. When my brothers would want to watch cartoons in the morning, I would watch the "Today Show." The Vietnam War, political protests, Woodstock, Kent State, Watergate, Richard Nixon, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King... these were the people and events of my youth. I bounced between Bugs Bunny and Walter Kronkite seamlessly.
When you're a , and one minute you're visiting a friend's house, and you say hello to his parents, and then you go home and see the parent on television being interviewed about a congressional spending bill, there is a certain combined awe and familiarity that is bred. I realized at a young age that the political leaders of the 60's and 70's were, for the most part, people called to serve their country, and that their calling was honorable. And because they were real people to me, people that lived down the street, people I saw at the swimming pool, and not distant caricatures of real people, I could envision myself being called to public service, and wanting to make a difference in people's lives.
But once I reached high school and college, and my teenage slacker tendencies came to the fore, I realized that I had already made life decisions that pretty much excluded me from the rarified air that the political leaders of my early youth lived and breathed every day. I was destined to be something, but a congressmen or governor were not among my potential callings anymore.
There's a certain freedom that comes with not having that kind of pressure anymore. You can try smoking pot, and not worry about the scandal twenty years down the road. You can experiment with things, make mistakes, and as long as you were able to keep your job, pay your bills, raise your family, those private things pretty much didn't matter. But one of the things about life choices is that they usually close more doors than they open. You're born with infinite possibilities, and when you decide that you hate violin lessons, your chances of playing in the symphony are greatly reduced. When you flunk out of college in your freshman year, well, there goes medical school. A 2.57 GPA in high school? Sorry, Harvard doesn't want you (Yale, either, but it makes you wonder how George W. Bush got in...)
I moved away from Washington DC in my twenties, and being out of that environment allowed the political world to change without my notice. I lived at the opposite end of the continent, and the day-to-day workings of Washington seemed very disconnected from my personal life. Washington, and politics, changed.
So now, here I am, in my mid-forties, in an open, polyamorous relationship. When I look back at that fleeting dream of public service that flickered in my youth, I see thirty-five years of disqualifying events... not the least of which is my extensive blog here on CityHookups.com and my many 'friends' that I've met.
So early this week, I happened to be watching the news, and I heard about the governor of South Carolina disappearing for four days. Hiking on the Appalachian Trail? Hmmm, sounds like an CityHookups.com road trip to me.
And as the truth trickled out, and I realized how seedy it really was, I came to a realization. Governor Sanford is just one of a long line of political man-sluts: Larry Craig, Jim McGreevy, Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Gary Hart, Eliot Spitzer, Wilbur Mills... the list goes on and on. They're from both sides of the aisle, gay, straight, bi, pros, sweethearts, mistresses... you name the flavor, and you can find it in every capitol in this country.
... and all this time, I thought I had no political future.
In fact, I probably still don't. The call to public service isn't as strong as it once was. I was an idealistic , when I was an idealistic . Now that I am a middle-aged pervert... I am still idealistic, but not stupid enough to get into politics.
But it is refreshing to know that doors that were once closed to me, have now reopened. If I decided that I wanted to run for public office, I probably could. CityHookups.com road trips are no longer disqualifying events.
... and all of this was made possible by bold man-slut pioneers like Governor Mark Sanford. Thank you, Governor!
Finally, a personal note to the governor: CityHookups.com has a "Carolinas" chatroom. You could have found someone in Myrtle Beach, and saved yourself the airfare to Buenos Aires. The lengths we go to to get laid...
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The Provider
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Posted:Jun 16, 2009 2:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2010 10:00 pm
22767 Views
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I had a very strange thing happen the other day...
I spent much of the weekend fishing, and I had the good fortune to catch a 50-pound king salmon. When I got to the point of filleting the fish, some people happened to be landing a canoe nearby. It was a party of four people - three men, and a very attractive twenty-something woman.
I wasn't really paying that close attention, but not long after I started cutting the fish (and getting all bloody and slimy in the process) I happened to look up, and the woman was staring at me. I didn't think much of it... I assumed it was because of the large fish on the cleaning table. But I looked up again a minute or two later, and she was staring at me (still?). She smiled at me...
I would have ignored that one too, except that it had happened to me once before... that time, there were two women and two men... all twenty-somethings, and the men were... lets say... virile. But there I was, filleting fish... and they couldn't stop watching and chatting with me.
I don't draw a second look anywhere else... but when I have the fish on the table, the women seem to come out of the woodwork...
So here's my question... My theory is that there is some sort of "provider-hunter-gatherer" thing going on... What say you, ladies... is that it?
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Simmering...
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Posted:May 2, 2009 4:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2009 1:55 am
23280 Views
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The other day I happened to be chatting with a female acquaintance. She mentioned in passing that her boyfriend had recently had some minor surgery and was whining like "a little boy."
I asked her if, by her statement she was comparing her boyfriend to, say, a man.
"No," she said, "all men are little boys"
I was offended.
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Does This Wedding Make Me Look Fat?
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Posted:Apr 28, 2009 9:30 pm
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2010 10:03 pm
23033 Views
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Indulge me for a moment...
Imagine a Saturday morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing...
... and in a few hours, you're going to a wedding.
Nothing good can come of that. Bad news for the happy couple, bad news for the guests.
What makes me most uncomfortable about being a guest at a wedding is that the event itself invites the attendees to enter into an internal (and sometimes external) dialog about how each guest fits into the paired-off, married world. Of course, not every wedding is this way, but the more family and old friends that attend make the running internal criticism almost inevitable.
"Look at Jonah's new girlfriend..."
"David and Janet have been married for twenty-two years... isn't that wonderful?"
"He divorced her for the barista at Starbucks... But she got the house."
Do I need to go on? I am sure you have heard them all before.
It isn't just about the snark, though. There's a certain standard that people apply to a wedding - the happy couple is starting from scratch (usually) and the relationship, as represented as bride and groom, is an image (really, an illusion) of perfection. The slate is clean. Even when it isn't. Their relationship is whole, intact, complete - a 'one'... and all the rest of us are something less than one:
Steve and Jennifer are having money problems, and he's taken to sleeping on the couch.
Ed is very successful, but he's thirty-six, and he's still living with his college roommate. He should find a nice girl...
It isn't an exaggeration to say that I can't imagine how anyone would enjoy such an event. I don't really care what people would say about me - and trust me, there's plenty to say - but you know, the happy couple is too busy to be spending time with me, and I really have no interest in evaluating all of the other guests relationships (or lack of a relationship). And think about this: as a party, how good is a wedding, compared to almost any other party where the host spends that kind of money? Of course people have fun at a wedding, there's a couple thousand dollars in booze there. Take that money and put it into a cookout or something, see how much fun you have there... and you don't have to wear a tie.
I've heard it said that weddings are a great place to pick up women. I don't know that to be true, but if it is, I have a theory about that. Weddings are the emotional equivalent of "last call" at a bar. If you're there alone, you're feeling a little inadequate, and the whole event is about being paired-off anyway. Better to leave with someone, than go home alone... because that is what the whole event is about - the perfection... the unattainable perfection of a relationship.
On your wedding day, you've achieved the illusion of perfection. From then on, you're deteriorating. Sometimes slowly and gracefully, sometimes quickly and dramatically.
I don't need to go to a wedding to be reminded of that.
Let's grill some steaks, instead.
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Ive Been Cheating on You...
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Posted:Apr 26, 2009 12:05 am
Last Updated:Jun 16, 2009 1:55 am
22862 Views
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I have this problem...
I have four blogs.
I have this one, and this was the first. I bothered to back it up recently: two-hundred-eighty-seven pages of single-spaced text... and that doesn't include the comments. This is where I put all my racy, perverted thoughts. And I still have them... But...
I also have a work blog. It isn't too demanding, but I've had to keep up with it recently... And I have a baseball blog. The baseball blog actually has an audience, and there are links in some major newspapers, so I am committed to keeping it up. Then I have the "clean" blog, where I put a lot of essays... the clean ones.
I've been doing some basic blog design, too, and since I am not that great at it, it takes some time.
There was also the trip back east.
Anyway, I've been writing a lot... just not on CityHookups.com... and I have to tell you, blogging in other places is a lot of fun, cause there is a lot more you can do with the blog... posting links, for example... and you can have your own domain name, too.
Anyway, I didn't want you to think I had forgotten you... Every day I think about this blog, and someone will message me on my smiley message box and remind me that I am not keeping up.
I am going to try to do better... promise.
My other stuff is pretty good... but it doesn't belong on CityHookups.com. You should check them out...
I would post the link, but, alas...
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Announcing: CityHookups.com One-Handed Typing Contest
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Posted:Apr 8, 2009 10:55 pm
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2010 10:11 pm
22996 Views
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Announcing
The CityHookups.com
One-Handed Speed Typing Contest!
Show off your one-handed typing prowess with this friendly challenge to all CityHookups.com members, especially bloggers and chatters, for whom this should be a piece of cake!
Rules:
This contest is open to all CityHookups.com members.
The time limit for your entry is five minutes. Entries may be shorter than five minutes, and while one-handed typing marathons are laudable, five minutes seems like plenty to me.
All entries should be typed with only one hand. Use the same hand to type and use the mouse. The other hand should be touching your genitals at all times.
All entries should be in the form of a dialog.
The following aids are permitted: lotion, KY, Astroglide.
The following aids are NOT permitted: towels, kleenex, toilet paper, gloves, Taco Bell taco wrappers.
No spellcheckers
No backspaces
All entries must have a happy ending.
Entries should be posted as comments in this blog entry.
Note to men: Don't point it at the computer.
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Road Trip!
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Posted:Apr 5, 2009 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2010 10:13 pm
23107 Views
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When you've been on CityHookups.com for a number of years, you start to find a groove about what works. For a lot of people, especially those that are new (and impatient), they happen upon the strategies that don't work, and they end up rather frustrated.
That was how it was for me at first, too... and the thing that I found that mostly didn't work was meeting people who were very local to me. What that means is, someone that is a five or ten minute drive... someone here in Anchorage. I thought that was strange at the time, but I know why it doesn't work for me: it doesn't work because that favors two types of interactions over others... the booty call and the long-term relationship... neither of which is really the kind of thing I am looking for.
By far, my best experiences have been ones where the person I am meeting is some distance away. I think the reason that those work is because it forces you to dedicate time to that person and put away the distractions for a while.
I have met some wonderful people here in Alaska that were an hour or two (or even more) away. When we would get together, we would usually spend a weekend... or at least, a full day. The "come over after dinner and be home in time for Letterman" think was never part of the equation... and for that I am thankful.
So yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine, and I had a bit of inspiration:
The Blind Date Road Trip.
You decide to meet someone, and then you take off in a car and just spend a couple days exploring. Find cool things to do, interesting places to stay... wild, outdoor places to have sex. No particular itinerary in mind... just drive. Be spontaneous.
I better write that idea down.
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Pharmaceutical Grudge Match
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Posted:Mar 27, 2009 8:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2009 12:50 pm
23247 Views
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There are two problems with having a cold. One is that you don’t feel like doing that much, except lying around and watching television. The other is that you lie around and watch television.
And since I am watching television, I must tell you, I am confused.
There’s a drug out there that men can take that men take to help them urinate. There is a drug out there that women take that prevents them from urinating.
Now I am not making light of the fact that there are real medical reasons why one might need one of those or the other… and that for those that suffer those conditions, those are real problems. But you have to admit, it is rather strange that there are two drugs whose primary purpose is to prevent what the other one does.
This is not a new area of interest for me. About twenty years ago I worked in radio, where I was the studio engineer - and this meant listening to a lot of late night talk radio programs, and inserting the commercials into the broadcasts. I always thought it was interesting that you would get ads for ozone generators and antioxidants in the same program. And when I was in grad school, my thesis advisor would regularly direct me to the dietary supplement aisle at the grocery store, where I might find just the right mood enhancer (guarana) that one might need to complete your thesis as quickly and effectively as possible. In my search for her supplement du jour, I came across two products, made by different manufacturers: Undo and Redo. I have no idea what they did, but I imagined that one was the antidote for the other.
As for those drugs that assist with urinary symptoms, I think we’re left with our imagination as to whether they would duke it out in a biochemical battle. First, women aren’t even supposed to handle the drug for men, much less take it. And honestly, I think most men are a bit too squeamish about how things function ‘down there’ to entertain themselves by taking them both and seeing which one wins.
What an ugly battle that would be.
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The Trade
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Posted:Mar 20, 2009 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2009 2:03 pm
23196 Views
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Being the homebody that I have been this week, I was sitting at home this evening, when a message popped up on my yellow, smiley chatterbox:
"Where are you?"
The conversation went back and forth a bit...
The person messaging me was someone that I had only recently become acquainted. She is a very attractive woman... rather flirty. I even spoke with her on the phone once or twice. I got the impression that she wasn't one to send mixed messages. If you thought she wanted you... it was a safe bet that she did.
The only thing is... there always seemed to be a string attached. The string was never stated explicitly... It might have been considered rude, in some circumstances. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought perhaps it might have actually been illegal... On one hand there was this... but on the other, there was... an expectation.
Certainly a grey area.
I guess if you have it... it makes some sense to make it work for you. After all, men have been trading the male brand of power for sex since... well, forever. Is it really all that different if it is her, the one with the objet désiré, who initiates the transaction?
I think the thing that bothers me about this is... it wasn't me that was the object of her desire. It was my truck... or more correctly, my truck, and me, as its driver.
I didn't play the game. I really wasn't even tempted.
What would you have done?
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Friendly Guidance
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Posted:Mar 17, 2009 10:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2009 8:20 pm
23407 Views
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Years ago, I worked in an educational setting, and had the opportunity to counsel a high school student on his choice of careers. He was an honor student, and he could go to school pretty much anywhere he wanted.
He told me that he wanted to be a computer scientist. As is the case for most teenagers, he was amazingly adept at most things having to do with computers... but in fact, he was more than that - he was truly gifted when it came to computers.
As I talked to him a bit more, I started to ask him what other things he was interested in... science, perhaps? Art? Mathematics? Women? As it turned out, his interests were limited to anything with a CPU and a monitor. He wasn't all that interested in anything other than computers. And he had no girlfriends.
I told him that would likely be a bit of a handicap for him. I pointed out (correctly) that as computers became more and more commonplace in the world, what was going to set apart the grunts from the real visionaries in the world of computing would be their ability to understand the actual problems, and to use the computers and their software to solve them. I suggested that a computer science degree was a bit like getting a degree in power tools - it is great if you know how to use them, but in order to build something, you better have some knowledge of what a house is.
In his arrogant, Generation Y way, he told me I was full of shit.
Today, quite a bit of the menial coding is done offshore, where expertise can be found much more inexpensively than in the United States... and coders here are really the idea people - the people that understand the problems of the world. These folks then delegate the implementation to code shops.
I don't know what happened to that student. My guess is that his dream of being some sort of elite computer scientist has fallen by the wayside, as so many American high-tech dreams have.
Fast forward to 2009.
The world has come full-circle. As the capacity of computers has increased in its exponential way, one aspect of the computer-human interaction has come of age:
Teledildonics.
What a great word that is! And what a field! Teledildonics is the field of controlling sex toys remotely, using some sort of remote interface.
I must admit, I was a bit ahead of the curve in this area - back in the late 90's, I worked for a paging company, and proposed building a vibrating pager into an egg... and you could then send your girlfriend off on her daily rounds, and with a simple dial of your telephone, send a nice, erotic shiver down her spine - anywhere in pager range.
Of course, there were all sorts of problems with this - what if your pager-egg went off when you were driving on a slippery road, or carrying something breakable? The liability issues would have stopped it in its tracks, and honestly, I was more of an idea guy than hands-on... so I never actually built one.
On the other hand, I might have single-handedly saved the pager industry. I could have changed the world.
Anyway, pager-egg 2.0 has come to fruition, and now one can buy masturbatory devices that can be controlled remotely across the internet. They plug into your USB port.
[As an aside, think how much fun it would be to install the driver software for one of these things. As you're completing the process, a window pops up on your computer and says: "We will now test your new USB device. Insert device and hit 'next.'"
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
Then the computer hangs up, and you can't turn it off.]
My young friend was born fifteen years too early. Imagine today, when he takes one of those career aptitude tests... and he gets his results, and he comes home to tell his parents what the test says he should be when he grows up...
"Mom! Dad! My guidance counselor says I should go into teledildonics!"
"Teledildonics? What is that, Johnny?"
"You know mom... that battery-powered thing you have in your nightstand? You can hook it to a computer now, and dad can send you through the roof by sending you an IM that says 'cum for me, bitch!' just like he does on the weekends. In fact, you can make it work on any phrase you want. I programmed Joanie's down the street to vibrate on high speed when I send her a message that tells her that Mr. Davis, her geography teacher, wants her to stay after school for tutoring!"
"But Johnny! That's terrible! Can't you go to college and... become a doctor, or something?"
"No, mom, that's crazy! My counselor says this is the perfect career for me! I can fix any computer in the world, and I am an expert at masturbation! Those are the only two qualifications!"
Now I can rest easy... My young high school friend has finally found a career path.
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Medium Rare, and Wet.
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Posted:Mar 14, 2009 6:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2009 4:04 pm
22944 Views
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My partner is a regular in an online community known as "Second Life" (S . Explaining what "Second Life" is is beyond what I would tend to go into here... But suffice to say that among the things one can do there are distinctly adult activities.
So today, my partner and I were out to lunch, and she told me that today, March 14, was "Steak and a Blowjob" day in SL. This is a newly-created holiday... the premise being that men needed a male-centered equivalent to Valentine's day.
So far, I am sold.
Tell the truth - Valentine's day is seventy-five percent about what a guy does for his beloved, and twenty-five percent about what she does to show her appreciation, isn't it? I mean, if a guy forgets (or neglects) Valentine's Day, he's stressed his relationship... But there is no quid pro quo - roses and candy, or dinner, or whatever... doesn't guarantee anything for him.
Seems a little one-sided.
My friend NascarFox has written a couple blogs recently about the gender roles related to paying for dates ([post 1857160] and [post 1858012]), and while we're not talking about exactly the same thing, there is definitely the sense that the men at least start the heavy lifting in most cases, if not bear most of the burden in terms of making a date work in a logistic sense. A lot of dates don't happen if the guy doesn't ask, and many expect the man to pay - and I am not saying anything is wrong with that... but I am pointing out that for a lot of people, there is the "what the man does" part and the "what the woman does" part.
Now I can tell that at least some of my regular readers are commenting to themselves. They're saying, "Self, that 49 is such a hypocrite... he doesn't observe Valentine's Day, or any other pseudo-holiday."
You're right. I don't.
But not because I think the sentiment is not valid... But because I think if you care about someone, you shouldn't need some commercial calendar event to compel you to express that to your partner.
And you know... I don't really mind that men have to supply a lot of the activation energy to get things going in a relationship (and let me be clear... I don't mean that they are always the initiators... just more often than not).
But far be it from me to get in the way of "Steak and a Blowjob" day.
How do women prepare for Valentine's Day? Perhaps they go out and get a new outfit, or perhaps a nice new fragrance or a new doo... just so they can look good for their man on that special day.
What did I do to prepare for "Steak and a Blowjob" day?
I got propane for the barbecue.
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As Seen on (at) TV (Bed, Bath and Beyond)
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Posted:Mar 12, 2009 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2009 9:49 am
23267 Views
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I don't care for shopping... not even a little. A shopping trip with me almost always ends badly.
Since I don't shop much, the latest trends in retail are lost on me. On the other hand, I did work in television for a while, so I am faily tolerant of advertising, particularly television advertising... so while I might not be inclined to go into a store to buy something, I have a reasonably good idea of what might be out there on the market. I like to watch ads to see if the advertiser did a good job of getting his or her point across.
So the other day, we received a print ad for Bed, Bath and Beyond, and one of the family members pointed out that on the back page of the ad, it showed that they had "Pedi-Paws", which is basically a manicure device for your pets. This is one of those cases where advertising meets need - we have a neurotic that hates to have his feet touched, much less have his nails clipped... So we have been contemplating this purchase for a while. The impediment was ordering it by mail, and the wait. So when we found out that you could walk into a store and buy it, we were sold (that and the $10 off coupon sealed the deal).
So yesterday evening, off we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. When you combine my disdain for shopping with the kind of merchandise that one might find at Bed, Bath and Beyond, it is no surprise that last night's trip was my first visit there... ever.
It wasn't what I expected.
It was as if Crate and Barrel, JC Penney, TJ Maxx and Costco had a four-way love . Every endcap had an "As Seen On TV" item. "Pedi-Paws" was right by the front door, which for the Anti-Shopper, was incredibly convenient. They had those bowl-sealing things - those were on clearance for $5. They even had that item that looks like a bluetooth headset, but is really a hearing aid.
It was like walking into the Infomercial Store.
There were ten thousand of every kitchen gadget ever. The "Mandolin Slicer?" . . . Had it.
Strangely, I had a certain curiousity about the things I saw in there. It wasn't a consumer curiousity, but more of a people-watching or car crash curiousity... except for retail items.
Living in Alaska, you live a relatively sheltered life when it comes to the retail world. If a big retailer comes to Alaska, it is probably the end of their growth cycle: Target. Kohls. Bed, Bath and Beyond. They arrive here with a bit of fanfare. Ultimately, they're just another store. And I feel a little bit of culture shock when I go into these places. Every square inch of usable merchandising space is occupied, managed, and designed to put these consumer items within easy reach of you as you walk through the store... and as a result, puts your hard-earned dollars within easy reach of their cash register.
But I have to hand it to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Were it not for the "As Seen on TV" items, there would be virtually no reason for me to ever go back there. I doubt I would make a special trip back... but if I was in the neighborhood, I might stop in... Which is what I do when I go to the local mall, where they have a "Hotdog on a Stick". If you've never been, it is worth the visit.
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To link to this blog (49AK) use [blog 49AK] in your messages.
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