Definitions by Gender
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Posted:Sep 5, 2007 7:23 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2024 6:29 am
5737 Views
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DEFINITIONS BY GENDER
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.
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Typewriter
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Posted:Sep 5, 2007 7:13 am
Last Updated:May 14, 2024 6:29 am
5835 Views
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A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old , "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The went back to tell her father what mommy had said.
A few days later the mom told the , "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The told her father, and then returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
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What He is Really Saying
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Posted:Sep 4, 2007 7:00 am
Last Updated:Sep 7, 2007 5:39 pm
6035 Views
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WHAT HE IS REALLY SAYING...
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN."
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I CAN'T FIND IT"
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC"
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
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What a Kiss Means
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Posted:Sep 4, 2007 5:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2007 7:05 pm
5779 Views
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What a kiss means?
*Kiss on the stomach-----"Let's do it"
*Kiss on the Forehead ----"I hope we're together forever"
*Kiss on the Ear ---"I'm horny"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---"We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"we belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips ---"I love you" OR "I want you"
What the gesture means...
*Holding Hands ---"we definitely love each other"
*Slap on the Butt ---"That's mine"
*Holding on tight ---"I don't want to let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"I just plain love you"
*Playing with Hair ---"Tell me you love me"
*Arms around the Waist ---"I love you too much to let go"
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely Comfortable with you"
--Advice--
* Don't ask for a kiss, take one.
* And here we always thought "A kiss is just a kiss."
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From the Male Perspective
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Posted:Sep 3, 2007 7:09 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2007 10:18 am
5746 Views
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1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Saturday + Sunday = Sports. Learn this equation
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
14. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
15. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
16. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
17. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
19. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
20. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
21. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
22. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
23. You have enough clothes.
24. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
25. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex.
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What Color is the Most Sexually Attractive
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Posted:Sep 3, 2007 6:59 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2007 11:21 am
5943 Views
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There is much behavioral science research showing the most popular skin colour, eye colour, or hair colour in terms of sexual attractiveness. But there is little on what is the most sexually attractive color per se.
Different cultures have different attitudes and preferences in the attribution of qualities of colour and behaviour. For example, "black" is associated with death in European countries. But "white" is associated with death in China and "purple" is associated with death in Brazil.
As for sexual attractiveness, there is an enormous cultural component in this as well. Gender is another confounding variable. What might be perceived as a highly sexually attractive colour on a woman may not be perceived as such on a man. And what might be a highly sexually attractive colour to a woman may not be so to a man.
Nevertheless, drawing upon various studies from the fields of colour psychology and color therapy, a not-too-scientific ranking of "more" or "less" sexually attractive colors could be constructed from the list below of colors and their supposed attributes.
Black: Sophistication, elegance, seduction, mystery, sex, banishment, binding, protection, evil
Blue: Trust, reliability, belonging, coolness, tranquility, peace, calm, wisdom, justice, depression, understanding, patience, loyalty, sincerity, honour
Brown: Earthy, conservative, protective, constructive, hard-working, solid
Copper/Bronze: Love, passion, friendship, sex
Gold: Prestige, expensive, elite, authority
Green: Nature, fresh, cool, growth, abundance, rejuvenation, recovery, healing, harmony, balance, peace, hope, jealousy, envy
Grey: Neutrality, staleness, depression
Magenta: power, magnetism, spiritual power
Orange: Playfulness, warmth, vibrant, encouragement, luck, kindness, stimulation, optimism, abundance, success, independence, sensual
Pink: Soft, sweet, nurturance, security, tenderness, peace
Purple: Royal, spirituality, dignity, divination, inspiration, meditation, compassion
Red: Passion, energy, excitement, danger, speed, impulsive action, stimulation, assertiveness, aggression, strength, sex, revolt, war
Silver: Prestige, cold, scientific, stability
Turquoise: Intuitive, insightful, inventive, original, renewal, change
White: Pure, virginal, clean, youthful, mild, peace, truthfulness, enlightenment
Yellow: Warmth, cheer, happiness, vitality, change, progress, clarity, communicativeness, affirmation.
Given the above, red, black, and copper/bronze would seem to head the list of the most sexually attractive colours.
Research shows that colour affects shopping habits as well. Red-orange, black, and royal blue attracts impulse buyers. Pink, light green, light and navy blue attract tight budget shoppers. Pink, rose, and sky blue attract conformists.
So what color are you?
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Anniversaries
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Posted:Sep 1, 2007 7:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2007 10:18 am
5771 Views
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Anniversaries are an interesting thing when you think about them. There are anniversaries which are generally happy such as wedding anniversaries or job anniversaries. There are also anniversaries that can be sad like the anniversary of the death of a loved one.
I have a more unique anniversary in the sense that it is bittersweet. Today is the 10 month anniversary of my cancer diagnosis....the day that changed my life forever. In a matter of moments I went from being a healthy (at least I thought) 42 year old woman to a woman who had to face the biggest battle of her life....Cancer.....and of course the first thought that runs through your mind is "Oh my God, I have cancer. Cancer kills people. I am too young to die!!!" Later of course, once the initial shock has disappated, somehow, out of nowhere, you find the strength to battle it and you determine that you WILL NOT let it beat you.
So why is it bittersweet you may ask? There is a silver lining to the date you are diagnosed with cancer. It is also the date that they utilize as a measurement of being cancer-free so today is also my 10 month anniversary of being cancer-free. This of course is the sweet part of the anniversary because you realize that you faced the odds and that you managed to beat it rather than letting it beat you. It is a milestone, because for each month and each year that you remain cancer-free, your chances of staying cancer-free increase exponentially.
Today I celebrate the sweet part of my anniversary. I AM A SURVIVOR and will remain a survivor. The diagnosis is but a distant memory even though it will always remain a memory because it made me a stronger person. I would much rather celebrate life than having lost the battle so today I thank God that I am here to celebrate!!
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Sex in Florida
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Posted:Aug 31, 2007 7:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2007 12:41 pm
6607 Views
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A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and wishes them goodbye.
The next week however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch them again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, they have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house either. the Holiday Inn charges $98 and the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50 and I get reimbursed $43 from Medicare.
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Let's Play 20 Questions
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Posted:Aug 30, 2007 5:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2007 4:08 pm
6193 Views
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Okay so I am typically dishing out jokes, miscellaneous tidbits of information (sexual or otherwise) or just plain ranting on my blog. I thought today I might have a little fun and make you all think for a few minutes so I have come up with a 20 Questions game. Just cut and paste the questions into your own response along with your answers....it's that simple!!
1. How did you come up with your CityHookups.com name?
2. What is your current situation (single, married, divorced, etc)?
3. Favorite day of the week and why?
4. Favorite time of the year and why?
5. What is your favorite thing to do for fun?
6. What is your favorite color?
7. What is your favorite smell?
8. What would you do if you one a million dollars?
9. What color are your hair and eyes?
10. What is your favorite underwear preference for yourself and for your partner/lover?
11. How would you describe sexy?
12. What is your favorite sexual position and why?
13. What is your favorite part of your partner/lover's body?
14. If you could have one steamy night with any person in the world, who would it be and why?
15. Are you a moaner, screamer, dirty talker or quiet?
16. Would you rather have sex for 15 minutes every day or once a week for 3 hours?
17. Lights on or off during sex?
18. If you had to choose, would you rather have oral sex ONLY or penetration ONLY?
19. Clean shaven, trimmed or a la naturale?? What are you and what is your preference for your partner/lover.
20. What one thing do you love MOST about sex?
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Extreme Diet Program for Men
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Posted:Aug 29, 2007 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2007 4:52 am
5905 Views
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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' ithout a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while before he can continue, so for the next four days, the same
routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you,
your ass is mine."
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Spicy Chinese Proverbs
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Posted:Aug 29, 2007 4:22 pm
Last Updated:Sep 3, 2007 6:48 pm
5723 Views
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"Virginity like bubble. . .One prick - all gone!"
"Man who run in front of car get tired."
"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Baseball is wrong. . . Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth. . . but next to it."
"War doesn't determine who's right . . . War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cat house by day . . . sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man who fight with wife all day . . . get no piece at night!"
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build crib . . . but one screw to fill it."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement!"
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
"Man who farts in church sits in own pew."
"Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion."
"Crowded elevator smells different to midget."
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Morning Humor
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Posted:Aug 29, 2007 3:36 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2007 8:35 am
5713 Views
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The Spoon
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.
However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup, I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now," the waiter said.
I was rather impressed. Then I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why have that string right there?"
"Not everyone is as observant as you," the waiter replied. "That consulting firm I mentioned also found that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?" I asked. "See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and, that way, eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked. "Well," he whispered, lowering his voice, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
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