Guts or Balls
|
Posted:Feb 2, 2008 11:11 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2547 Views
|
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the 'lads', being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying off somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the 'lads', smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: 'You're next, fatty.'
This should clear up any confusion about definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Definition - Electile Dysfunction
|
Posted:Feb 2, 2008 11:09 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2528 Views
|
The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year...
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Why Men have better friends
|
Posted:Jan 10, 2008 3:41 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2008 11:06 am
2413 Views
|
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Two 90 year old Women
|
Posted:Jan 10, 2008 3:39 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2390 Views
|
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her everyday.
One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's soft ball all our lives, and we played it all through High School.
Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there."
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Rose passed on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her,” Barb, Barb."
"Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Barb -- it's me, Rose.
"You're not Rose. Rose just died.” I’m telling you, it's me, Rose,"! insisted the voice. "Rose! Where are you?” In Heaven," replied Rose.
"I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
Tell me the good news first," said Barb ."The good news," Rose said, "is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," said Barb..
"It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?" "You're pitching Tuesday!"
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Bathtub Test
|
Posted:Jan 10, 2008 3:30 pm
Last Updated:Jan 15, 2008 8:49 pm
2430 Views
|
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Christmas Carols for the Disturbed
|
Posted:Dec 20, 2007 5:50 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2431 Views
|
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town -- to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Ji ngle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.......
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Weight Loss Program
|
Posted:Dec 20, 2007 5:46 pm
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2007 8:47 pm
2462 Views
|
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, your ass is mine." He lost 63 pounds that week.
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Some Winter Statistics...
|
Posted:Dec 17, 2007 2:44 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2407 Views
|
A couple of winter statistics
97% OF AMERICANS SAY "OH SHIT" BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.
THE OTHER 3% ARE FROM MINNESOTA , MICHIGAN , OR WISCONSIN AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS SHIT."
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Wife helping Husband...
|
Posted:Dec 13, 2007 9:26 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2391 Views
|
One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She shot back: "It's not talcum powder.
It's 'Miracle Grow'."
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Three Things to Ponder...
|
Posted:Dec 12, 2007 8:36 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2007 8:38 am
2435 Views
|
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
C O W S
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Infant Size Winky
|
Posted:Dec 11, 2007 10:39 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2385 Views
|
Pre-marriage Confession
Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.
However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that the he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said...."I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky."
Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching and teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your winky was the size of an infant!"
Yes, it is.... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Infant Size Winky
|
Posted:Dec 11, 2007 10:39 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 3:11 am
2376 Views
|
Pre-marriage Confession
Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.
However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that the he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said...."I too have a problem. My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size winky."
Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching and teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your winky was the size of an infant!"
Yes, it is.... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Union Rules and Hookers
|
Posted:Dec 7, 2007 6:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2007 8:35 am
2447 Views
|
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (crazyclimber68) use [blog crazyclimber68] in your messages.
|
|
Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
22
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
|
|