I'm Prejudiced
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Posted:Aug 18, 2009 6:47 pm
Last Updated:Aug 23, 2009 10:07 pm
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I read someone else's blog without really reading, I skimmed it. I thought he was putting my home state down, actually he wasn't. But I, myself have been guilty of that.
I was born and raised in the Bible belt. I've traveled to lots of interesting places in this country and out. I can be somewhere else for awhile but when I am close to getting back to my roots, when I hear people speaking my native tongue (Southern) I get happy. My native tongue has a sweet drawl to it, but you won't hear that honey pouring from my lips.
Why? you ask, because (almost) anyone not from the south thinks southerners are stupid based on the drawl, the cadence etc. I've worked hard to get rid of my drawl but it slips out when I'm mad or sometimes at work. I use it when the situation calls for it.
I did some travel nursing in northern California. There was a car accident involving an elderly couple from Tennessee. The people I worked with were mostly from California and some Canuckians. No one could understand what the elderly woman was saying.
One of the Canadians asked me to translate for him.
I walked into the room, held the 'lil ole lady's hand and said something like, "Howdy neighbor, I'm from Alabama" in best southern drawl and she replied with something like, "Thank God! I thought I was gonna die with only Yankees to attend me." She was airlifted to a larger facility and by that time I was thinking "Thank God! she's getting out of here before the Yankee doctor kills her!"
As it's often said what we hate most about others are the things we see in ourselves. I hate that other people judge me because I'm from here but I do it too. If you've read my blog for any length of time you know that I love smart, funny guys (make me laugh and I'll follow you anywhere as long as you don't tell redneck jokes), but if he has a southern accent, he's history.
I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19. We've been divorced 8 years or so and now when I talk to him (we have ), I can't believe I was ever married to him. Drawl ain't even the word! And he's not from here! He's from fucking Indiana!
Since our divorce I've been head over heels about a guy with a radio DJ voice, a guy close to Philly, and now my guy from Wisconsin. Fortunately he's been here long enough to not say "dont'cha know?" at the end of every sentence. When he goes home they tease him about his southern accent. His best back home friend married a woman from Louisiana, "I" can't even translate that, a whole different kind of southern accent! But man can she put on a shrimp boil!
I think about them every time I see the Joe's Crab Shack commercial with a guy with a mullet hairdo sucking the head of a craw fish, aka mud bug, aka craw daddy although, thankfully she leaves them out of the boil. Probably because they live close to Indy now and don't have access to them.
OK, back to skimming. I've only read about 1600 pages in the past week or so. I do love books! See, southerners can too read!
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Meaningless Shit
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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 3:50 pm
Last Updated:Aug 18, 2009 10:22 pm
6162 Views
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I hardly ever check my email here, I mean, really, who's gonna email me when I say plainly in my profile that all I wanna do here is blog? Most of them go to my filtered mail anyway.
There are many times I log onto the site and just read the blogs without posting at all. I noticed I had an email, of course that one was from CityHookups.com telling me about some contest.
I think the filtered mail is funny because these are clearly folks that don't match whatever criteria I set long ago. Usually they say something like (you have to remember I'm in the DEEP south) ... "Hey, baby I'll be close to your city tonight. Cum see me." or "I agree with what you done said in youre blog." I read these about every 2 months or so. So I don't know what I done said in my blog that this person would agree with.
I got one a few days ago that only said, "I think I know you" UGH, I hate those. I'm sucha goodie-two-shoes in my real life. Me being here, if only to blog is like being a double agent.
Or, since this is a sexual kind of place, I'm the librarian. Ya know, with my long silky, dark hair in a bun on the back of my head. Goofy looking glasses on my face, no makeup.
Nah, I like the spy better. Truly, I draw no attention to myself. Inconspicuous is my middle name. I could walk by you on the street and you'd never even notice me.
I take that back. I draw attention to myself by correcting people. I correct spelling, punctuation etc without prompting. Meaning I do it even when I'm not invited to. However, my own spelling etc is not open to criticism. But, then who would give me constructive criticism, nobody reads this shit anyway! At least no one I know does.
Anyone need anything from Walmart? I'm on my way there. I am conspicuous at Walmart however, people tend to think I work there even though I have no blue vest or a Walmart name tag. I swear I could go there dressed to the nines and people would still ask me where the KY jelly is.
BTW, since I'm not in the know about things here, where did MzHuny disappear to?
(Don't you love it? The spelling checker thingy doesn't recognize "blog" as a word!
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My Quest for Coolness
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Posted:Aug 10, 2009 8:17 pm
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2009 12:22 am
5286 Views
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Sitting here by myself today watching TV, I thought hmmm it's a little warm in here. I go to the thermostat, no numbers. UHOH! I go to the breaker box, breaker is kicked off and won't come back on when I manually switch it.
I know what's wrong. The pan thingy that catches the water is full and the floaty thing has turned the AC off.
Do you know what August is like in Alabama? in my ATTIC???
Up the pull down ladder I go to assess the situation. Yep, pan's full. I look around to see what I can use to get the water out. A towel, that'll work. A sheet, that worked too but still water in the pan.
So here I am in my attic in my panties and one of Rocky's T shirts that hangs almost to my knees. I don't see anything else to absorb water with. T shirt goes in the pan.
If you haven't noticed in my blog lately, I have joint problems. Going up and down the ladder a few times really wore me out.
I'm in the tub about 4 hours later reading a book. I haven't heard the air kick on.
Back to the thermostat, no numbers. I decide I'll just live with the warmth for now.
Two whole hours pass and I'm sweating like the little piggy I am. I call Rocky... "yeah, it's doing it again. I gotta go back up there, if I don't call you in like 20 minutes call 911 cause I've fallen and I can't get up."
Up the pull down ladder I go. This time I take a bucket and a plastic glass with me. However, plastic glass is too wide and won't fit.
I call Rocky back. "This is going to take longer than I thought."
I go back up the pulldown stairs. I'm armed with a 12 ounce Mountain Dew bottle, a plastic clip like you'd put on a bag of chips and a metal one cup measuring cup. And my cell phone.
In the attic I have extra linens stored in those gigantic zip lock bags. I take the linens out. I clip the bag to the platform that the pan is mounted to. I try using the Dew bottle, pan's too shallow. I try using the measuring cup to scoop water into the giant zip lock bag. Uhmm, nah that doesn't cut it.
I take a sheet, stuff part of it in the pan and the rest into the gigantic zip lock bag and start wicking the water into the bag. Then I get another sheet and do the same thing. Finally the floaty thing isn't floating anymore and the AC comes back on.
I'm worn out, but cool. And an added plus, Rocky didn't have to call 911!
Nightnight.
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SEX
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Posted:Aug 10, 2009 6:35 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2009 6:11 am
5277 Views
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Yes, sex. Can you believe it? I'm actually blogging about sex. Only I'm not blogging about having it, I'm blogging about NOT having it.
I can't even remember the last time we had sex. Most folks don't become members of a sex site because they dislike sex, include me as one of those folks.
I like sex VERY, VERY much. If it was up to me, I'd have sex on a daily basis. My libido isn't low, not by a long shot.
My guy says, "Last time we had sex I thought my performance was sub-par, I couldn't get into a position that was comfortable for me." Well guess what? That's a sub-par excuse!
I was married for most of my life, the ex cheated. The ex didn't say what Rocky said but there was always some excuse toward the end of our marriage. So, finally I ended up having an affair myself. When the ex wanted sex, I mad up excuses because in my opinion I wasn't his anymore.
My experiences in the past make me wonder what he's up to. All this started after he returned to truck driving "so he can pay off some bills" which he hasn't paid any of.
We do stuff, go to movies, go fishing etc but there's always this, always in the back of my mind.
He got up at 5 this morning to go to work. I tried to talk to him about this yesterday but he said what he always says, just as I have written above. So this morning I said, I'm not buying your excuses anymore. I think there's something going on and I wish you'd just tell me so I can stop fretting about it. He says there's nothing to tell. Then chastised me for bringing it up when he's walking out the door, "making me feel like a douche nozzle" he says.
My thought, no, a douche nozzle wouldn't mind being in me.
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Finally, a diagnosis that actually makes sense!
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Posted:Aug 3, 2009 10:09 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2009 11:23 pm
5308 Views
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As some of you may recall, I've had some health issues in the near past and ended up having a couple of different surgeries, one removing the fingertips on my left hand. All of this presumably related to me having an autoimmune disorder, which one though?
When all of this happened I was being treated by a rheumatologist who has a name for himself in the medical community. However due to the severity of my illness I was taken out of his group's care and sent to the local university hospital/medical school.
All this started back in November and come January I was so sick of doctors I just took myself off of all medications to treat what I presumably had, rheumatoid arthritis.
I had been fine until a few weeks ago when the pain started coming back, so I made an appointment to see the original guy again.
The first thing I asked him was if any of my lab work had ever been abnormal. Ya know you think a doctor would tell you, but instead all this time I was thinking that I was just some kind of weird hypochondriac. I carry an odd gene it seems. I'll quote the Wiki place "Human Leukocyte Antigen B*27 (subtypes B*2701-2724) is a class I surface antigen encoded by the B locus in the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) on chromosome 6 and presents microbial antigens to T-cells. HLA-B27 is strongly associated with a certain set of autoimmune diseases referred to as the "seronegative spondyloarthropathies". In the general population, about 8% Caucasian, 4% African, 2-9% Chinese, and 0.1-0.5% Japanese have the HLA-B27 antigen."
So what the hell does that mean? If a person tests positive for HLA-B27 he or she has a much greater risk of having a seronegative spondylarthropy (an arthritic type illness that the body doesn't form antibodies for). While I know this means mostly nothing to 99 per cent of the people who read it, it means a whole hell of a lot to me. I finally have a diagnosis that makes sense to me. Still doesn't explain why my fingers went wacko, but I'll take what I can get!
Unfortunately this diagnosis carries some other bad symptomology, inflammation of different parts of the eyes. I kinda like my eyes, think I'd like to keep them just the way they are, thank you.
If you've made it this far in this post, I promise to write about something besides my "issues" soon.
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Talking to Myself
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Posted:Jul 27, 2009 10:43 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2009 9:22 am
5431 Views
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Today has been a very bad day for me. I get in weird moods sometimes, like I'm telling something that my friends here don't already know.
I've cried off and on most of the day and evening. I know why and I don't know why, if that makes any sense. It'll make sense to women I'm sure, not so much for the guys.
Sometimes I wish I were a guy. Detached. No, that's not quite right. I'm perfectly fine with being female, what I'm not fine with is ME.
People have their comfort zones. Comfort zones are learned behavior. Even if the situation you're in is bad for you, if it's what you know, then it's what you prefer.
I had this same conversation with Rocky a few years ago. He'd just started a new job and he got paid well but rather than saving some for a rainy day he goes out and buys a pickup and his payments were over 600 bucks a month. He said it just didn't feel right for him to have money to save. He grew up practically dirt poor, so I can understand where he's coming from.
As for me, I grew up in a household where my parents cut all the corners they could. They were socking money away, saving for a rainy day. Our house wasn't as fine as some of my other friend's homes and I wouldn't have paid any attention if not for my mom.
She wouldn't allow any of my friends from school to come home with me because she was ashamed of not having everything she thought she was entitled to. Shame is something that can be passed down from generation to generation.
Part of my shame is something I can't even control, I get sick a lot. My mom will tell you I was born sick and have been since then. My mom is just a little more than dramatic.
One thing I should be able to control is my weight. I tell myself that I don't give a crap, but that's not true. See, if I actually try and don't succeed, then I am a bigger failure than I am right now.
So, what spawned all this self loathing? Last post I said I like to walk a mile in another person's shoes, I can truly empathize with some. The problem is that I keep myself so shielded from feeling anything that when I put myself in touch with another person's emotions, they become my own.
I'm babysitting my grand-dog. My is having some issues with the A/C at her place so while it's being worked on he's here with me. He has the bad habit of using the carpet for his personal toilet if he's not watched carefully. I've been watching TV most of the day just so I can sit with him.
I'm flipping through the channels and there's a little girl about 7 or 8 playing the piano and playing it well. Her mom was so proud of her. My inner was jealous.
My mom is a total nut job. I've been to counseling and all, I know it's not my fault that all she knows how to do is criticize and think she's doing me a favor by pointing out my faults.
I used to go to a group therapy thing where they got tired of me talking about my mom. One of the women finally just point blank said to me, "She will NEVER be the mother you want and need! accept it and move on!" Sometimes I can. I wonder what my life would have been like if she was capable of thinking of anyone besides herself.
Kathy Griffin was on TV tonight. She was at a rally, people protesting that in most states same sex couples aren't allowed to marry. There's a woman in the crowd carrying a sign that reads "Proud Mom" and it has a picture of her and his lover on it. I thought how wonderful it must be to have a mom support you like that even though it goes against social mores.
When I found out I was pregnant with my (he was the first-born, the same promise to his sister), I made a promise to him that I would be a better mom than mine. I musta done OK cause they call me, ask me to do stuff with them.
I was reminded of our relationship when I was watching Big Cat Diary. Cheetah mom weighs about 90 lbs soaking wet. Lioness weighs 350 lbs. Lioness spots Cheetah mom and her 3 babies while they are taking a rest. Lions will kill Cheetahs, cause they're killing off the competition. Mom tries to lead Lioness away from the cubs but when she sees that won't work, she turns and starts running toward the Lioness. The Lioness takes off, Cheetah Mom hot on her heels. She chases her into the distance, slaps the ground and turns to find her babies. That's the kind of mom I am.
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"It's Saturday night and I aint got nobody"
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Posted:Jul 25, 2009 10:16 pm
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2009 9:41 pm
5221 Views
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Not quite true. My somebody is in Nebraska I think, on his way to Californy to drop off whatever it is he's carrying on his truck. Steel coils or something like that.
Several months ago my lap top died and so I've just been using Rocky's computer much as I would my own. He'd told me he had a porn collection stowed somewhere on this thing. I didn't go looking for it, I was trying to find a picture that I had put on one of my blog postings. I found the porn instead.
So last night, I got to come home a little early from work. I turn on the tube and there's Chris Rock doing stand-up from 1999. He's talking about men ALWAYS having a stash around somewhere and that while women may think they found IT, in reality they only found a fraction of it.
If his computer collection is only a fraction, he has so much of it, he'd have to be porn star himself to actually have much more than I found. Which he is NOT.
Somehow recently we had a conversation about the Jon & Kate plus 8 thing, you know the stars of that dumb show on Discovery. I'd only seen bits and pieces of the show and what stuck out in my mind was her attitude toward him. This scene was of them sitting on a love seat talking to the camera. She's saying something and he's trying to get his 2 cents in. She gave him this glaring look and said, "Why do you always interrupt me? I hate it when you do that." Or something like that. I told Rocky I could find no fault with Jon. "You cannot emasculate your man on national TV and expect him to stay with you." was what I said.
WE went from there to what if his sweetie was actually a porn star, how would that make him feel? He said he thought it would be cool, having men lust after his woman would somehow be great because she would be going home with him after work. "After work where 20 other guys may have fucked her that day, in every orifice possible except maybe her nose or ears." "I'm quite sure there's porn for bellybutton fuckers."
But, see she would bring her worked up self home to me. "Yeah she fucked 20 guys today, like she'd have anything left for you." Hmmm, well then maybe I would just want someone who looks like a porn star, but could be like Jenna Jamison's twin. "then all your friends would really want to fuck her, and they would make comments to you like, your woman is so hot, I just wanna pound that thing" She wouldn't be oblivious, maybe she'd wanna be pounded."
I love getting him into conversations like this cause he gets flustered. In my world, reality beats the fantasy world hands down. But this is how we are, it's like Democrats vs Republicans or any other thing you can think of where people can be on different sides of the fence. He presents his case, I present mine and then I steal his briefs! sometimes.
While I can write in the fantasy world, make up stories that sound to some as if I have done whatever the female character may have done, that's not the case. I really try to have empathy, walk a mile in the other person's shoes. So I try to think like a man would about porn. So I suppose I'm supposed to watch a DVD and imagine the star female (I say this only cause that's all the porn Rocky has, if you're of some other persuasion insert whatever you'd like to see here) is giving me head or I'm fucking her brains out while she's crying out, saying things like...Oh God you're dick is so huge, harder faster etc etc and all this is taking place in my mind as I jerk off.
If I'm doing my own thing with BOB I refer to memories that have actually taken place. I can't watch porn and think I wish that guy was doing me right this second. My brain doesn't work that way. My sister on the other hand has seen every Brad Pitt movie and goes on and on about how wonderful he is and she'd do him in a heartbeat. (She's also said she'd marry Steve Perry... lead singer for the original version of Journey, if he would just sing to her everyday) I look at her like she's lost her mind and she figures out that I don't agree. "How can I have sex with someone I don't know?"
I'm not a prude. I love sex as much as the next woman. I think I see so much bad shit working in the ER that casual sex is not for me. You get a whole new perspective when you see a pussy swollen to twice it's normal size because a woman decided to cheat on her hubby in revenge and got herpes. The concerned hubby heard through the grapevine that she was in the ER, came running to her side. Seeing the mistakes they'd both made, all they could do was hold each other and cry.
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Here Kitty Kitty
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Posted:Jul 21, 2009 9:23 pm
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2009 11:28 am
5554 Views
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I have no idea why I'm even here anymore, I have nothing sexy to talk about at all! My life is pretty boring these days with Rocky driving over the road and the divine Ms E and her pooch having found their own place.
I spend a lot of time watching the tube.
Every afternoon at one, if I'm not working I watch a soap opera on Animal Planet called Big Cat Diaries.
They have 3 range rovers filled with a camera and commentators to add drama to the film they shoot.
3 rovers to cover 3 different species of big cats in Africa. Since most cats live pretty solitary lives you'd think this show would be boring. Perhaps for most it would be, but my dad donated his nature gene to the primordial ooze that made me.
I'd really never thought of it as a soap opera till today. Cheetahs are the smallest big cat in Africa. Lions are bigger so are leopards, then there are hyenas. You'd never consider a baboon as a creature that would go after big cats but, yes indeed they do.
On today's episode, mom cheetah and baby get separated when a couple of male baboons wander into her area. The baby is only 7-8 weeks old, just a fluff of spotted fur. He's crying for his mum, and that's where they left it. So, now, dammit, I must tune in tomorrow to find out what happens?
Will the mum come back to save the day?
Will the fluffy kitten hide and be safe from the baboons?
The guys that comment on this show really don't show any emotion about the goings on in a natural setting. I could never do what they do.
I'd mess up the hunt, wildebeest would get away as I shout out an alarm call of my own! Then the lion cubs would go hungry and they'd all be cranky and then they'd attack local villagers cattle.
I'll watch this show and be literally amazed, cheetahs 0 to 65 in under 3 seconds. The lions featured on this show are pretty amazing too. I think of male lions as the jerk husband who wants his dinner on the table before he goes out to screw any hot chick (lioness) he can find. But on this show you see the males being the heroes at times, saving the family. Leopards dragging a carcass up a tree when it weighs more than they do.
If I had to die by being attacked by a big cat, I'd choose the leopard. One quick bite to the place where your spine joins your head and it's lights out, all over, took out my brain stem and now I'm supper.
This all makes me wonder if something within us, something primal makes us want to do dangerous things? You know the great adrenaline rush ya get when you're scared? Imagine it when you've just barely escaped being a meal!!
So instead of almost being eaten we bungee jump instead. Maybe play paintball or laser tag?
Have sex in front of open curtains? Mile high club?
When we choose to do any certain action there is a pay off, always. So what's the payoff here, in these situations? Maybe a feels the same but not the same thang? The reward is that we did something naughty and didn't get caught! Neener, neener, in your face!
Perhaps it's an instinctual thing? The running back dives over the swarm of players on the goal line and what does he do? Spikes the ball cause he knows he's not supposed to, then he has a brief celebration dance with all the guys doing some male bonding.
His brain and the rest of his teammates brains are screaming, "these are my teammates and we have a bond together and we will NOT be defeated"! The bond is there and they are honor bound.
Later when both benches empty, you'll see the linemen taking up for the smaller dudes and when all is said and done, they feel justified!
Just so ya know I can already see the latest thing at the amusement park. Have some kind of "lifelike" Animal chasing you around. They'll let you win, well cause you paid for the ticket.
So, do you secretly have some kinda death-wish? What really scares you?
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Early AM stuff
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Posted:Jul 9, 2009 2:45 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2009 8:39 pm
5613 Views
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I'm a wanna be. You know what I mean? Maybe a misfit is more what I mean. I dunno. You remember the Xmas special Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the Island of Misfit Toys and the little elf who wanted to be a dentist? Speaking of dentists, I think I'm gonna have to have a root canal soon, ugh!
I just came home from work, it's 4 in the morning or so and while I am tired, I'm not tired enough to go to sleep yet. Which for me means that my brain is still racing around inside my head. I take stuff to make me sleep but sometimes I still fight it.
Back to the wanna be thing. I'm smart but not MENSA material. Pretty enough for someone almost 50 but not beautiful. Not tall but not short enough to be considered short. Always ailing in some way but not enough that I need to be on disability.
And what about this place? Could I ever in a million years consider myself a swinger, nah, but it sounds like it might be fun if I just didn't have that damn shy gene. Or the green eyed monster gene, don't like to share my guy.
Believe me, I've tried to think what that might be like cause when we met he was always trying to get me to hook up with someone and let him watch, which makes absolutely no sense to me.
OK, so we meet some other nerdy couple and swap partners. My ADD is bad enough as it is. Forget 69 here, if a guy's doing that to me then I can't pay attention to what I'm doing to him. Which would be multiplied by 1000 if I was trying to keep up with what Rocky's doing.
Rocky tells me that I give the best blow job he's ever had, but what if he likes hers better or I could just think that and I'd have to leave or make a scene. Do all guys say that? Or is this the one thing I don't have to be a wanna be about?
Is it just me or do the pictures on the home page remind anyone else of Harry Potter? There are frames and there are people moving in the frames.
Back to my job... my favorite complaint of the evening. "I was at work and my head was hurtin'. All the sudden my eyes rolled back in my head and I couldn't get 'em to come back to normal. I couldn't drive like that, so I had to call the ambulance" 21 years old. Her mom shows up and says, "I've had a cough for a week, can I sign in to be seen?" She's been on antibiotics for a week.
I'm still a wanna be, I wanna be asleep!
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The Truth and Nothing but the Truth
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Posted:Jul 6, 2009 12:32 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2009 2:15 am
5576 Views
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I haven't been around in a while, sorry. I've been working and when I haven't been at the hospital, I've been helping my find an apartment and doing some spring cleaning eeven though it's officially summer now.
FrankPicasso says that I sound like I love my job. It's not so much that I love the particular job I have, it's that I love being able to do what I do despite having been so sick. I also think that I missed being around people so much when I wasn't working. And, yes I like helping people.
Before I was sick I sorta took my job for granted, I mean, come on, I'm a registered nurse and there's such a shortage of us, I could get a job anywhere. All that may have been true prior to my illness and the removal of my fingertips on my non-dominant hand. I truly know what it's like to be discriminated against, because I was. I can honestly say that I am a better nurse now than I was. Working in the ER will make you SO cynical, you don't believe anything anyone tells you, especially if they are a frequent flier, repeat offender.... they come to the ER often. The whole world seems to think that nurses aren't capable of these sort of thoughts. We're just there to help people, it's our "calling" etc.
Just know that if you have a or someone that you dislike working with, nurses are only human too, we have the same feelings. However, this feeling doesn't make us not do our jobs. If you've been to the ER everyday for the past week, we will assume that you want pain medicine until it can be proven otherwise. Perhaps you really have a true reason for wanting pain medicine (otherwise known as NEEDING pain medicine), OK, we'll believe it when we see it.
As the triage nurse, I often set the tone (the other nurse's peception) for the patient. If I think you truly are sick, I'll call the nurse who will be caring for you and tell her what I think. Same goes if I think you're a big fat faker! We have a computer program that tells us how many times you've been to our ER and why you were there. If a patient's name is familiar, I'll use this program.
I watch a lot of Law & Order, CSI etc. Lots of times the judge won't allow certain testimony or prior bad acts admitted to court because it's so prejudicial against the defendant. Looking at this program is sorta similar. Even drug addicts get sick. Even people who aren't drug addicts, people who get a prescription for Lortab and then sell it, they get sick too.
So I wonder if I am doing the right thing by the patient when I use this program or while talking to the patient I see addict-like behavior. Should I be calling the nurse or doctor and telling them what I think as far as this behavior is concerned? Will what I say affect the patient's outcome at all? If I say I think this patient is fine, they look fine, they rate their pain at a 10 on the 0-10 scale, they act like they're not hurting, they're smiling, they aren't crying, they aren't sweating and they claim to have abdominal pain and nausea but they're drinking Mountain Dew and eating BBQ potato chips.
When I was sick, I hurt all the time but if a nurse came into my room I'm sure I smiled and told them hello. I wonder if they thought the same of me? They could see that my fingertips were rotting off but they couldn't see how painful and how scary it was for me.
We all have our own version of the truth. We both see a man walking down the street, he's stumbling. He walks by, he's mumbling incoherently. We look at each other, you say he smells like he is drunk. That's your version of the truth. I say he smells ketotic, I think this guy is a diabetic and his sugar level is WAY too high. That's my truth.
So, my truth when I was ill was that on any given day my pain was more than a 7 almost all the time. I was on a ton of pain medication, so much so that the doctors at the hospital I work in thought it was excessive. My sister stayed with me a lot. She told them I cried in my sleep, that I woke up several times an hour and would just look at my hand. That was her truth.
My truth has changed. I don't remember so much of what happened when I was ill because I was over medicated. Yeah, I cried. I did the same thing in the recovery room after my sugeries, I sobbed and made sounds like do when they cry. There's a fine line between pain control and anesthesia. Evidently, I wasn't happy unless I was bordering on unconsciousness.
However, would I tell this to a doctor or nurse in the future? Would I allow this into my court room? Probably not. Why? I'd be afraid that I would be judged, just like I often judge my patients. I've always considered this part of my job. Part of "discovery" if you will. Maybe I should just go to law school, instead of being a nurse.
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What Goes on in Your Brain?
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Posted:Jun 22, 2009 10:53 pm
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2009 11:47 am
5737 Views
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Since going back to work I don't have all day to sit here and write about things I wanna write about, although I don't usually plan my blog anyway. It's more like whatever spews forth ends up here or others to read.
Believe it or not some people actually think that absolutelynormal is weird. My brain don't work right they say. Sometimes I wish that I could share the experience of what goes on in my head with other people. I don't mean by writing. Maybe I could do like Spock with his Vulcan mind meld thingy.
Perhaps it's because I was born under the Gemini astrological sign? Gemini is the twins. Only Rocky says there are more than that. I don't have multiple personality disorder or anything. It's more like my brain goes 90 to nothing all the time. And I don't know how to turn it off. Don't even bother to tell me that I can clear my mind if I meditate, ain't happenin'.
I can be riding down the road and all the while I am having this internal dialog with myself. I see a motor coach pulling a bot behind it and I am trying to reengineer the coach so that the boat will fit under the coach someway so that the boat doesn't have to be pulled. Stop at the red light by the nearby school and see a ground hog with his back to me like he's watching the play. Is he thinking that the will probably just think he's a really fat squirrel should they see him? Or maybe wondering what his options would be if they came toward him?
Wouldn't it be great if we had fart proof sheets on our beds so if your boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/hubby decides to fart on you, it's all OK because the fart is absorbed by the sheets and released as pure oxygen. Or even better, the fart is caught by the sheet which you later wring out into your gas tank and it gets better gas mileage than regular gasoline.
I also wonder about how a fish feels when I catch him or her. Can you imagine going to your local McDonald's, you order a Big Mac. You peel the wrapper off wanting to dive into those all beef patties and so forth only when you do bite it you feel a rather hard pinchy feeling in your lip. And suddenly you're dragged across the restaurant by a rope. You try desperately to get free but the next thing you know you're under water and you can't breathe. Ya know when we pull fish outta water most of them can't breathe without water moving over their gills (mud skippers, some catfish can absorb oxygen through their skin). Someone sticks a hard metal thing through your mouth and it comes out your nose, the end of it locks. Your back out of the water but you can't go anywhere cause you're tethered to the bench. Do the fish just sit there and wonder what the hell is going on? Do they know that we're going to cut their heads off and eat their flesh? Are they thinking about that the whole time we're catching more of their brethren?
OK time for bed now.
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The Not So Young and the Restless
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Posted:Jun 18, 2009 12:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2009 4:41 am
5363 Views
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It's been awhile since I've posted... and life goes on. I'm pretty miserable with Rocky driving all across the country. We talk to each other via phone several times a day. It's like I told him, I didn't sign up for a long distance relationship. I stay in a "tizzy" all the time, a uniquely southern word meaning that I'm upset and don't know what to do.
On a brighter note... my nephew, the drug addict stole my mom's car. She actually went to the police department and reported it stolen. The cops in the little town she lives in followed her home just to make sure he wasn't there. He WAS there, the cops patted him down and he had a syringe full of something in his pocket and they arrested him for possession of a controlled substance and having paraphernalia. This all went down yesterday and of course I was at work and it was a zoo. My sister calling me every 5 minutes for moral support.
My and I met Rocky for supper then we went to my mom's. druggie nephew had put a lock on the door leading to the attic. So we went over and Rocky got the lock off. OMG, I've never seen so many cigarette butts in all my life. More syringes, used ones that is. He bragged to my sister last week that he was no longer addicted OxyContin. Now he's shooting up cocaine, or that's what he told her anyway. Just hard for me to believe that someone who has been a true opiate addict would switch to something that make ya hyper. He's just a garbage (no reference to Purpletrashcan) can I guess, slang for he'll take anything he can get his hands on.
After the cops had processed him, he gets to make a phone call, he calls my mom collect. He tells her that he knew the cops were there and that he'd tried to get rid of the evidence by swallowing a baggy full of cocaine. My crazy mother was ready to put up her house as bond. My sister called me and told me the story, which of course knew was a lie. I told her to call the cops and tell them what he'd told my mom and that if they thought he needed to go to the hospital, they would take him. Of course the paramedics are in the same building, he checked out OK and remains behind bars! Thank GOD!
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Pride in a Job Well Done
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Posted:Jun 10, 2009 4:08 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2009 11:49 am
5335 Views
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I worked 6 out of the last 7 days, boy am I tired. Working the shift that I am I get to be a "real" nurse when I don't have someone to triage. This is something that I haven't done in 3 years or so. I started two IV's, both on the first stick, did EKG's, made sure everyone was comfy and gave narcotics to so many people that didn't need them it made me sick. ER nursing is like being from Missouri, you gotta show me, I don't care what you say, how loud you yell at me, I simply will not believe that your pain is a 10/10 when you're sitting up talking with a smile on your face.
We had a code the other night, shocked the woman 30 something times, she almost died but not quite. Her brother came down to the ER to tell us how well she's doing. It's cases like hers that make me love what I do.
Or maybe it's the two year old that took some of Mommy's medicine, I asked her what happened. OMG she was so cute I just wanted to pinch her. She said, "I was a bad girl." Only it sounded like I was bahd gull"
As much as I bitched about not having a job, now that I have one I'm sure glad that it comes with off days.
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