New Anti-Depression medicine!
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Posted:Jan 12, 2006 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2345 Views
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Do you feel bad about yourself? Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind. (tm)
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Older Women
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Posted:Jan 10, 2006 10:51 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2332 Views
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Notes From our friend, Thoughtful Ron
Hi Everyone!
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron ... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health insurance that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me up when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have an expensive lunch in the Men's Grill at the Club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door!
Then, she used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for up to several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to finally motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour at work. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any if you know what I mean. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
Also, when doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the backyard the other day. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly-squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a Saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating and difficult women get as they get older. However, fellas, even if you use just a little more tact and a little less criticism of your aging wife like I do, I will consider that writing this was well worthwhile.
Signed,
Ron
NOTE from RUN2644: Ron died suddenly two months ago. He was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver rammed all the way up his ass, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat down on it. Julie was so devestated by her loss that she is spending the entire month at the Desire Resort in Mexico to recuperate.
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Male or Female?
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Posted:Jan 7, 2006 5:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2216 Views
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You may not know that many non-living things have a gender;
For example...
1) Ziploc Bags -- are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tires -- are Male, because they go bald and are often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloons -- are Male, because, to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges -- are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Pages -- are Female, because they're always getting hit on.
7) Subways -- are Male, because they use the same old lines to pick people up.
 Hourglasses -- are Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammers -- are Male, because they haven't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but are handy to have around.
10) Remote Controls -- are Female... Ha! You thought they'd be male. However consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.
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Why Men Love Dogs
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Posted:Jan 6, 2006 7:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2189 Views
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25) Dogs don't do much shopping. They'll never drag you to the mall.
24) Dogs love it when your friends come over.
23) When you want to leave the house, you never have to wait on your to get ready.
22) Dogs think you sing great.
21) Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
20) The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
19) Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs without permission.
1 Dogs don't really notice if you call them by another dog's name.
17) Dogs are excited when you play rough.
16) Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
15) Dogs won’t take up all your closet space.
14) Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
13) A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
12) Dogs never insist on talking about your relationship.
11) A dog's parents never visit.
10) Dogs never obsess if you’ve washed your hands or not after using the bathroom.
9) When a gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can humanitarianly put it to sleep.
Dogs don't obsess over their bodies.
7) Dogs understand that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6) Dogs never expect gifts.
5) Dogs don’t cry when you’re angry with them.
4) Dogs have no use for flowers, cards or jewelry.
3) Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
2) Dogs seldom outlive you.
1) A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
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Why women like dogs
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Posted:Jan 6, 2006 7:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2186 Views
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25) Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
24) Dogs miss you when you're gone.
23) You never wonder whether your is good enough for you.
22) Dogs understand what "no" means.
21) Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
20) Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with.
19) Dogs don't criticize your friends.
1 Dogs won’t stalk you if you get a new dog.
17) Dogs do not play games with you–except fetch. And dogs never laugh at how you throw.
16) Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
15) Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
14) A will never try to make you sleep in a wet spot.
13) You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
12) Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
11) The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10) Dogs understand if some of their friends can't come inside.
9) Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can force a to take a bath.
7) Dogs never doubt who the boss around the house is.
6) You can sleep with a and not feel guilty about it the next morning.
5) Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
4) Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
3) Dogs are nice to your relatives.
2) You can train a dog.
1) Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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Posted:Dec 25, 2005 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2126 Views
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If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following:
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly
apparent.
The following is also something to ponder...
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation...you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep...you are richer than 70% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
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today
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Posted:Dec 22, 2005 1:27 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2082 Views
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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her was
having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and impact the family's
status,she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result
in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her to be put on birth
control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later
that evening, as her was preparing for a date, the woman told her
about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out
laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that...I'm dating Sarah!"
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physics
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Posted:Dec 22, 2005 1:24 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2056 Views
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The Physics of Christmas
1) No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion in the world (persons under 1, but since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist , that reduces the workload by 85% of the total - leaving 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good per house.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different times zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good , Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. That means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, at tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming each get nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" can pull TEN TIMES that normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subject to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by a 4,315,015-pound force.
In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents of Christmas Eve, he's now dead.
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no pun intended
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Posted:Dec 15, 2005 6:00 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2011 Views
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1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage; you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
5. A 3-legged walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete sake!! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused.
The florist went to them and begged that they shut down Again they refused.. So the florist then hired Hugh Mc Taggert, the biggest meanest thug in town.
He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back.
Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms.
This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him ....what?
--a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
11. And finally, ... there was a person who sent 10 puns to his CityHookups.com blog buddies in hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately no pun in ten did!
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Jewish sex
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Posted:Dec 15, 2005 5:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1976 Views
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An older Jewish man married a younger woman.
After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex and by birthright, all Jewish women are entitled to at least one climax during sex, so they went to see the rabbi.
@!@ /8
The rabbi tells them to get a young, strong, virile young man to wave a towel over them while they are having sex. This, the rabbi says, will cause the woman to climax, so the couple tries it.
{=}
After several attempts, still no climax.
They go back to the rabbi. The rabbi says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel.
>>!
They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other!
happyf; happym;
When it is over, the husband smugly looks down at the young man and says, "See, you schmuck. THAT's how you wave a towel."
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Leaving early
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Posted:Dec 14, 2005 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1933 Views
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LEAVING WORK EARLY
Three girls, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette, all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her , and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"
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In A Hotel
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Posted:Dec 14, 2005 10:43 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
2017 Views
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I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I
thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when your calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad
for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in
the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places,
beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know
the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a
call.
"Hello?" the woman says. Wow! she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room
and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town
all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot,
and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it,
we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag
of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on,
cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to
press 9."
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World's Easiest Quiz???
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Posted:Dec 14, 2005 10:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
1894 Views
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WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ?
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
All done? Check your answers below!
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years
2)Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador
3)From which animal do we get cat gut?
Sheep and Horses
4)In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November
5)What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur
6)The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
Dog
7)What was King George VI's first name?
Albert
What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9)Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand
10)What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange, of course.
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To link to this blog (RUN2644) use [blog RUN2644] in your messages.
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