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| Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
the beauty of the beast
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the beauty of the beast yesterday i wrote a very emotional piece about bdsm and pain...i doubt this will parse as well but here we go again. i am feeling desperately in need of being used...i need to fly. i think of how warm must have felt without his wings......i reckon he understands my itchiness. i was discussing WIITWD and flying with a bunch of other subs and masochists and while we varied in our desire for pain...we all recognized it's place in the spiritual act of flying. go and read ana's blog on flagellation and the spiritual history of pain.it's well worth the visit. one of the subs who craves pain, said pain takes her "out" more quickly than anything else. one said pain is hard for her but in essence does the same thing. so what is it about this particular activity that appeals? i don't connect pain with humiliation at all...for me it has a higher connection...one that speaks to body and soul...short circuiting the mind along the way. is it the pain itself or is it receiving the pain from the one you love? is it the feel of the flogger or the feel of the flogger wielded by the hand of the Man (or woman) that adores you? why does the pain become something else...no longer sharp or dull but exquisite and intimate in a way that is beyond the norm? in flight, the pain is simply there........a sensory stimuli, but not pain as such. it has altered and become a component of the experience. for me, this has much to do with the mythology (smiles at ana) of feminism and the historical roles of male and female. i have said it before but i will repeat. in the flying i am His. i will do anything, give anything cede anything. it is utter surrender and utter trust in the One that uses me...that knows me...that owns me. and oh please don't go all PC on my ass. if there is anything we all share as women is that core of giving and connecting....this is simply that to the nth power. doesn't float your boat? that's cool. but to understand fully the profound connection of male and female there must be (imho)a recognition of the primal. i want to know He will keep me safe. i don't need him to...i am a fully capable adult and can do that for myself. but in my soul, i want to know He will do that for me. and He wants to move me to a place where i am beyond all the catch phrases and pc bullshit. He wants to be the beast...the BEAST. not an abusive asshole that likes smacking women around...a glorious animal rearing over his mate and taking what is his... when i fly, i see colors, scenes, visions. it starts with a swirling purple and a deep cobalt blue, a forest green......my body is no longer my body - it is His body and while i feel it all, i often cannot speak or articulate what it is i feel or see. i too am the beast. the noises more guttural and feral. my eyes can see Him but the rest of the room is not there. i can see other things. scenes... soemtimes people and i can speak with them as he uses me. the orgasms build on each other....with no separation but a sense of tidal flow. what seems like too much becomes too little and i beg for more.... in the end i am swallowed by his eyes and as we join in the final swell of passion, i cease to feel the individual sensations but fly above and see it all and feel it all and hear it all and the gestalt becomes its own universe and we become as we are meant to be.......a man, a woman so...........not the same tone i think but some of the same ideas.... talk to me.... You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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12/2/2007 11:21 am |
of what you speak does this not occur naturally every once in awhile in what is called normal relations between two people, i know in my life there have been occasions which which if repeated in polite society i would be restrained and carted away. what is this that we forget we are a part of nature and the beast in us is equal to the human in the beast. Don't know wicked, people just have a shame in them from the cradle and i no different. mine is in betterment and just really no different. Many Hugs & More
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I don't believe I can add anything to what you said here. I'm going to bookmark this one; I think it would be a good blog to have someone read who needs to understand why bdsm appeals to me...thanks for writing this.   
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12/2/2007 2:53 pm |
When you write about flying, it leaves me speechless. I don't know why, but it does... speechless and full of longing...  Not all who wander are lost.
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Raises her glass....and bows her head To those who understand....
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12/2/2007 4:30 pm |
WE, I don't know about all that stuff, hon! I just know that I like blowjobs! 
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Hello Wicked, I'm afraid I'm not much help to you here as the only pleasure pain I am able to speak to is the pain I have experienced through physical exertion related to athletic endeavors. There are times, while exercising or competing, that I become exhausted and my muscles burn. The endorphines kick in, I get a second wind, and enter a state where it feels like I am functioning outside of myself, relying on instincts; completely unaware of what is around me. These times bring on a certain, undescribable euphoria. pirround
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12/2/2007 7:00 pm |
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nods head in agreement...i have seen and felt this...but not for 3 years now...i miss it..  []   Seduce my mind and my body
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12/3/2007 8:55 am |
I recognize the primal urge. I feel it strongly in straight fucking. I get to fly while fucking in positions that hit my G-spot juuust right. The primal thing always disturbs me a bit. I recognize it's the human animal, but there's a part of my overly-PC brain that goes, "What do you mean you want him to own you, to use your body, to fuck you to that point where you are just a piece of fucking meat?" So, I haven't told him that I want him to own me, to take me, to make me "his." I did tell him, though, quite embarrassed about the other primal instinct, the one that says, "Oh, I love him so much. Let's make a baby together!" Aagh! That one nearly put him off his erection. He said, "Should I be using a condom until this feeling passes?" I assured him that my brain had already considered the impact of hormones, which is why I have an IUD!
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I want this... but it also scares me. Perhaps, on some level, there is some appeal in that. Twist
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12/3/2007 2:46 pm |
In the past I had always been taught/thought that BDSM was wrong, but had been equally curious about the subject. In order to learn more I once answered an ad and met a woman in Oregon who was a sub. She told me her story of being at age 11 by the man and woman she baby sat for and repeatedly by her uncle. She told me of her first S/M experience where a man put a rope around her neck and she had to stand on her tip-toes in order not to strangle and that was it. She had to have more. She became a sub for a married man but at some point he made the choice to stay with his wife and now she was about desperate for a new master. She asked me what I liked and rattled off a series of things usually listed under "kink" but I wasn't ready to "see" what she wanted because I didn't see what I wanted - which was a connection to something more than beating her. There's a scene in the old hippie movie "Rainbow Bridge" where this surfer talks about taking acid on a beach and the sky opening and seeing God and he has been trying to get back to that space since. (There are 12 gates Oui) I think in this woman's case, she might be trying to recreate the intense pain/pleasure/humiliation/fear she felt when she was as a child. She didn't want me, she wanted the experience. Behind that, I think there is something we all are wanting and that is to go "beyond" our "selves" - to reach a higher level of consciousnes, of being - the ecstatic vision. We do it with drugs, with experience - we do it as children as teenagers and more intently as adults. But perhaps the biggest barrier to my exploration of BDSM is an experience I had as a small child. I had been soundly, pants down, bare-asssed spanked by my mother for exploring my sexuality. I could tell she was experiencing some sort of release/pleasure/power at my expense. Perhaps it was a release of frustration of having to live so tightly, ironing, the kids, etc but I got a sense there was a bit more than that. When she was done, I turned and said from my broken heart "I hate you!" through my eyes so strong and true it startled her so she never forgot it to her dying day. So hitting someone has never worked for me because it represents a primal separation, a breaking away of one heart from another. As a Romantic, as a child, I want to join hearts together with Nature - our basic Nature. What you are showing me Oui, is that part of our basic Nature you call, "the Beast." I have a hard time dissasociating that term from Christianity so I would use another term. There is a God mythology that speaks about God falling to earth and splattering into all the apsects of humanity. It is the artist's work and I would say the Romantic's as well, to unify these aspects of "God." For me, I think of the unification of the basic opposites in the universe being the ecstatic vision for humans. I now believe that BDSM is likely another way to unite not man/woman necessarily but to unite the duality - body/spirit - or as you say, "flying" and "beast" which I might translate into cosmic terms of "wave" "particle." I believe it is possible that now, I could take part in this experience if there was a chance that after she broke through "ego" to that place beyond distinctions, beyond separations, beyond... we would be "joined together" - again. Sometimes you are my muse Oui There are 3107.2 dammned miles of separation between us. I'm off to merrily, merrily, merrily ride my bike through old fallen leaves.
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we... Once you experience having allowed someone you loved to be lost for the needs of that beast... it becomes painfully obvious that beast must never again be allowed to reclaim its domain. I have relegated him to the passage of time... and to my acceptance of humanity over passion. Though I know little whereof you speak, we, I know much whereof I speak. I accept you for who you are and I respect your choices. Yet, for me, I prefer to let life simply pass... and with luck and the exercise of as much power as that beast has left behind, I shall never again have to experience another loss such as that. Solar...
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Wickedone, *hugs* As i read this i shivered. i don't fly as you have described...for me it is an out of body experience similar...but more holy...consecrated..spiritual connection beyond words. i have heard it described by a Pentacostal friend of mine as being likened to what that religeon calls "slain in the spirit" Where one is asleep and contentedly communing with the angels/dieties/God. All i know is that i crave a certain duration of and level of pain. And afterwards, i am floaty, euphoric and feel reconnected emotionally to Master and T/those around me. In that moment before i pass out of my body...i feel feral and carnal...i have been vocal and the way His eyes hold mine ....in that moment...there is no Other God or Man that i worship, that i would do, say or give all/any of myself for Him...for that pain/pleasure...is like the most vivid of drugs i have ever used before in my life... The pain is the best fix, and the fact that Master is delivering it...and that i love and trust that He knows when and how ...i fear no overdose.....and surrender! When He calls me back to Him, i am ready to curl up and perhaps sleep contentedly at His or MsJs feet..... Thank you for an awsome topic. chelley.
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12/6/2007 3:19 am |
fascinating, and brilliantly expressed
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i know....and waiting for the next chat....lol...it was way to cool..my sistafriend...hugs...i know i need to fly ..[] Seduce my mind and my body
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beautifully said simply! Many mistakenly associate BDS&M with pain leading to sex...that is only one component, and not always the why! Being a survivor of abuse...it is not the same. The motivations are different. And being a strong woman, who can take care of herself financially, physically, and emotionally...yet chooses to submit herself to another for motivations of self fulfillment can be a beautiful experience!
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12/8/2007 5:45 am |
Interesting. You don't get this kind of thing in the mainstream media. And inquiring minds want to know. I also find it interesting that, as you are a strong women in a position of authority, you are that way- as they say that powerful men often need to be dominated in their private lives. I wonder how much of that is true. Of course I am also fascinated by the creativity of much bondage equipment. When I was seeing a woman into that I made my own out of leather- now it's so easily bought over the web. As to pain, I wonder if anyone has ever done any serious studies of the wiring of the brains of people who enjoy it. Look at what parts of the brain light up with an MRI or whatever. I guess look at if this is 'all in the mind' thing maybe from some previous experience, or if some people are just biologically wired slightly differently so as to perceive pain in a slightly different way. Possibly a connection to the female pain of giving child birth. Curious idea.
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wow...i missed this post, for some reason!! Have just read it and all I can say is WOW! that and deeply sigh. I feel as though my wings were clipped long ago..... I have never flown. Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
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