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HermanG67 56M
8464 posts
8/14/2019 12:04 pm

I really think you nailed it with this post. There has been a SURGE in BDSM since 50shades was published, most do not realize that is not reality, others only feel Dominant if they are being Sadistic, for me these are to separate traits.

I believe a Dominant gets their reward/pleasure from Guiding and nurturing their submissive
where a Sadist gets their pleasure from inflicting pain on their masochist

my greatest thrill as a dominant was finding new sources of sexual pleasure for my submissive


fitvagitarian 62M

8/14/2019 12:07 pm

I think you got it right. Thanks for the insights.


Tmptrzz 61F  
107039 posts
8/14/2019 12:12 pm

This was a great read and I totally agree with your concepts of it indeed. It takes someone very trustworthy in order to enjoy the "DOM" experience.

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


Paulxx001 67M
22642 posts
8/14/2019 12:16 pm

As a game, for a thrill or just out of curiosity ; I'd experiment, with a willing partner... for a night, or two... or even once in a while. It would be, a lot of fun.

As a lifestyle, defined by "the expert's", point of view (from what I've read and seen), in all its varied forms ; it holds no interest for me... at all.


CleavageFan4U 67M
69374 posts
8/14/2019 12:29 pm

There are almost as many degrees and variations to the BDSM lifestyle as there are practitioners. But you got the key point - find someone you're comfortable with and explore slowly.

Shorts, on HNW
Wet Fun
My First Nekkie Experience of the Public Kind I Mean
[post 3312759] My Private Blog - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
8/14/2019 12:51 pm

People like to pretend this dom and sub routine. They call it dom and sub, they put on costumes and use/wear accessories, all to not call it , abusing someone.


pocogato12 71F  
37235 posts
8/14/2019 1:01 pm

I could not tolerate that type of situation having been in the mentally abused situation. Makes me wonder what the millenials thin about this

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


BBCNSA88 54M  
62 posts
8/14/2019 1:17 pm

Very true words, thanks for sharing


HermanG67 56M
8464 posts
8/14/2019 1:28 pm

    Quoting  :

No you are not wrong, it was a sexual based relationship, but was about exploration and expanding limits.


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
8/14/2019 1:54 pm

    Quoting  :

That last meme , you mentioned, is not about being a dominant to the woman, it's just about being a masculine man [which just happens to be a natural dominant]. These are just natural masculine traits. But first, he should determine she is the woman he wants. No sense in doing all that for a woman who doesn't deserve it.

If she needs a snowflake, dump her.


proteus_2a 58M
7979 posts
8/14/2019 2:59 pm

First of all, I cannot begin to explain how much I hated the fifty shades ! amp;
Having said that....
That last meme my lady , as someone points out is a simple guideline for a respectful ,maybe masculine as he says, behavior

Generally a partner's behavior
Aside from kinks, whips gags and chains...

As for "Dom" etc etc, I'd love to see these types tackling everyday issues before expanding this behavior into the bedroom - to a usually traumatized partner

( here's your change from your 2 cents my lady )
And have I mentioned in how many ways I hate the 50 shades ???amp;

Cheers - P


Paulxx001 67M
22642 posts
8/14/2019 5:15 pm

As an event...
A night... A "one off" or... a series of games a couple might play... then ; I can see it happening. You know... when you gently.. tie or are tied, to the edges of a bed, with silk scarves or nylons.. and blindfolded... and your lover approaches you. Tingling... is the operative word.
I can imagine, and have experienced, THAT type of thrill.
Yes it's exhilarating! Explosive. Unrelenting. Crazy... hot 🔥
But... to turn it into a Lifestyle?
No thanks.
I don't know if you know what I mean. 🤔 It's a thrill... but NOT as a habit. I'm a pretender.
However... I'm positive... if given the chance... you would pretend... with me.
Or not...
Anyway. Do you know what I mean? 😘


GhostofH 65M
22788 posts
8/14/2019 5:36 pm

I think that those in the know understand completely what you are trying to say and the messages that the memes convey. Those that do not understand should take the time to educate themselves so that they can comment from a point of reference and intelligence instead of one of ignorance. Great post!


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
8/14/2019 6:49 pm

    Quoting  :

Yet, you don't seem to view women in a positive light.

I don't know what that is suppose to mean, but if I understand you, then the "Light" is "Neutral", until "A PARTICULAR" woman has earned a pos or neg light.


sexyldy1000 68F  
9607 posts
8/15/2019 9:50 am

There are a lot of misconceptions about that lifestyle. There are also a lot of pretenders...men, especially, who call themselves a Dom but really have no clue what it’s all about. BDSM is defined as ‘bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism’. There are also variations within that lifestyle..it’s not all about inflicting physical pain. And my understanding is that the true BDSM players hated the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, viewing it as a romanticized vision that clearly lacked the fundamentals of safety and consent. There are lots of great articles about it.


lust4life59 65F  
2552 posts
8/15/2019 2:01 pm

I was D/s with my husband as a way of life. The only thing it meant in the end, was that he guided me to height's I was afraid to explore on my own, and he had the final say in things we could not agree upon......both in everyday life decisions and in the bedroom. Other than that, we were a normal couple. Even in a partnership, one person has to have the final say, otherwise it becomes an impasse. It was consensual for our relationship to be structured this way from the beginning.

I've been D/s in another relationship that didn't involve sex at all. Not going into the particulars, but in this case I was the recognized "Dom" and she was submissive to me. Again, it was agreed upon and negotiated from the start.

I've also been submissive in just a sexual context with someone. That's what trips my trigger sexually, some people get off on kissing, oral sex, anal sex, the list is endless, but you get the idea. In my case it's being submissive to someone in bed. It's not about the action as much as the emotional and mental fulfillment I get from it. Pleasing someone, although it really is reciprocal, they are pleasing me in return.

When you think about it, we all have traits from both sides of the coin. And how we fall on that spectrum in terms of another person, determines how we act and react to the other. .

There is also nothing "abusive" about this type of relationship if it is practiced in a loving consensual manner. It's more a matter of recognizing each other's wants and needs and fulfilling them.


voyeur2017 61M  
1481 posts
8/15/2019 4:44 pm

excellent post and very true...D/s is largely misunderstood......


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
8/16/2019 12:25 pm

I originally thought I was interested in the sub role, but upon reflection it wasn't for me. I would say I'm not dominant either, but some people who have worked with me might disagree with that. I do seem to naturally step in if there is a leadership void.

For me the whole scene is a bit lighter and more about playing with sadism and masochism. I enjoy topping people (purposely not using the word 'dominating' here) and I also enjoy the endorphins that come from being on the receiving end of impact play.


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
8/16/2019 12:27 pm

Oh, and I disagree with the person who said it's mostly women who are subs. I know a LOT of submissive men. There is a running joke in the kink community that if a guy calls himself a switch, he's probably a sub (because it is not seen to be socially acceptable for a man to be submissive).


niceblueeyes39 47M

8/25/2019 3:37 pm

Each D/s relationship is different based on the connection and combination of wants and needs. communication and respect - simple.


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