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| Blogs > 49AK > Out of the Ordinary |
Friendly Guidance
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Friendly Guidance Years ago, I worked in an educational setting, and had the opportunity to counsel a high school student on his choice of careers. He was an honor student, and he could go to school pretty much anywhere he wanted. He told me that he wanted to be a computer scientist. As is the case for most teenagers, he was amazingly adept at most things having to do with computers... but in fact, he was more than that - he was truly gifted when it came to computers. As I talked to him a bit more, I started to ask him what other things he was interested in... science, perhaps? Art? Mathematics? Women? As it turned out, his interests were limited to anything with a CPU and a monitor. He wasn't all that interested in anything other than computers. And he had no girlfriends. I told him that would likely be a bit of a handicap for him. I pointed out (correctly) that as computers became more and more commonplace in the world, what was going to set apart the grunts from the real visionaries in the world of computing would be their ability to understand the actual problems, and to use the computers and their software to solve them. I suggested that a computer science degree was a bit like getting a degree in power tools - it is great if you know how to use them, but in order to build something, you better have some knowledge of what a house is. In his arrogant, Generation Y way, he told me I was full of shit. Today, quite a bit of the menial coding is done offshore, where expertise can be found much more inexpensively than in the United States... and coders here are really the idea people - the people that understand the problems of the world. These folks then delegate the implementation to code shops. I don't know what happened to that student. My guess is that his dream of being some sort of elite computer scientist has fallen by the wayside, as so many American high-tech dreams have. Fast forward to 2009. The world has come full-circle. As the capacity of computers has increased in its exponential way, one aspect of the computer-human interaction has come of age: Teledildonics. What a great word that is! And what a field! Teledildonics is the field of controlling sex toys remotely, using some sort of remote interface. I must admit, I was a bit ahead of the curve in this area - back in the late 90's, I worked for a paging company, and proposed building a vibrating pager into an egg... and you could then send your girlfriend off on her daily rounds, and with a simple dial of your telephone, send a nice, erotic shiver down her spine - anywhere in pager range. Of course, there were all sorts of problems with this - what if your pager-egg went off when you were driving on a slippery road, or carrying something breakable? The liability issues would have stopped it in its tracks, and honestly, I was more of an idea guy than hands-on... so I never actually built one. On the other hand, I might have single-handedly saved the pager industry. I could have changed the world. Anyway, pager-egg 2.0 has come to fruition, and now one can buy masturbatory devices that can be controlled remotely across the internet. They plug into your USB port. [As an aside, think how much fun it would be to install the driver software for one of these things. As you're completing the process, a window pops up on your computer and says: "We will now test your new USB device. Insert device and hit 'next.'" "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Then the computer hangs up, and you can't turn it off.] My young friend was born fifteen years too early. Imagine today, when he takes one of those career aptitude tests... and he gets his results, and he comes home to tell his parents what the test says he should be when he grows up... "Mom! Dad! My guidance counselor says I should go into teledildonics!" "Teledildonics? What is that, Johnny?" "You know mom... that battery-powered thing you have in your nightstand? You can hook it to a computer now, and dad can send you through the roof by sending you an IM that says 'cum for me, bitch!' just like he does on the weekends. In fact, you can make it work on any phrase you want. I programmed Joanie's down the street to vibrate on high speed when I send her a message that tells her that Mr. Davis, her geography teacher, wants her to stay after school for tutoring!" "But Johnny! That's terrible! Can't you go to college and... become a doctor, or something?" "No, mom, that's crazy! My counselor says this is the perfect career for me! I can fix any computer in the world, and I am an expert at masturbation! Those are the only two qualifications!" Now I can rest easy... My young high school friend has finally found a career path. |
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3/17/2009 10:08 pm |
hey.nice seeing u
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ROFL, you ARE SO BAD!! "Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson  
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Perhaps your young friend is a designer for sex toys. After this post, wouldn't that be a hoot? 
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