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| Blogs > AtomicArtist0 > Atomic Blog |
Another Crass Horoscopes, You Sniffling Dorks
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Another Crass Horoscopes, You Sniffling Dorks I have what every man wants…and no, I’m not talking about two missing ribs, a broken neck and a mustache. I’m sitting here at my favorite café with my girlfriend, indoors on a rainy day…I’m a sought after artist with lots of deadlines to meet and I have a network of friends like you that I can insult with these crass horoscopes and you just keep coming back for more. You seem to really enjoy getting kicked in the ol’ proverbial nuts…and who am I to complain, really? How can this get any better? As always, comment here to get your own personally insulting horoscope reading…comment well and see how life can get better for my one monumental commenter. Its almost that time. Yep…its almost time. Aries March 21-April 20 No parent should ever have to bury a , but with the little fucker kicking and screaming like that what choice do you have? Taurus April 21-May 21 Your high school yearbook committee voted you Biggest Prick Ever but it wasn’t exactly for any reason you had hoped. Gemini May 22-June 21 While the carnival barker and the ticket tearer brings them in, your drunken depravity and hideously misshapen hands keeps them coming back for more. Cancer June 22-July 23 While seemingly needless and uncomfortable at the time, you'll be fortunate to have undergone recent dental work as that will be the only way they'll identify you when they find you later this week. Leo July 24-August 23 You'll find that your various jobs as a plumber, pool cleaner, gardener, mailman, and refrigerator repair man are not nearly as glamorous as all the porno movies imply. Virgo August 24-September 23 This week marks the third time you’ve had to fake your own death and relocate; a feat you could avoid entirely if only you’d pay for cable. Libra September 24-October 23 The only thing that is stronger than your powerful, insatiable thirst for gin is your powerful, insatiable thirst for cock. Scorpio October 24-November 22 Your doctor, anesthesiologist, nurse, receptionist, and everyone else in the emergency ward will scoff at your cheap tastes in consumer goods when they extract that store brand jar of grape jelly from your colon. Sagittarius November 23-December 21 What you thought was just a flippant remark will lead you directly to the eleven dicks you gotta suck to get a drink around here. Capricorn December 22- January 20 McDonald’s is working toward cleaning up its image in order to appeal to a more hip, trimmer, health conscious clientele. This will result in a forensics team discovering the nude, lifeless bodies of you and Mayor McCheese in a Florida motel room. Aquarius January 21- February 19 The stars declare that its perfectly normal to wake up groggy with a sore anus on camping excursions. It has to do with the clean air, so keep your goddamned mouth shut and don’t tell anyone about it. Pisces February 20-March 20 Your comforting weekly routine lapses by when the screeching, profanity-laden phone call from your mother never comes.  |
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6/1/2008 1:21 pm |
Lma() ......very nicely put .......now ....decide which brain your going to use and try and compose something that may make sense. Yea i know ....a difficult feat ...but hey ....you manage to balance the spinal column pretty well for a life form. That which is barely understood ,is most critized & ridiculed ! You have done well the the alphabet so far, now on to the next step.You can't Unring a bell ,anynmore than you can unspeak a word. EnJoY your harvest.....you have planted well. I Forgive your ignorance , & BLeSS You. 
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6/1/2008 1:52 pm |
Do me, bitch.
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6/1/2008 2:11 pm |
Gemini May 22-June 21 While the carnival barker and the ticket tearer brings them in, your drunken depravity and hideously misshapen hands keeps them coming back for more. But you know you like what I can do with my hands.....  You need to come bring me a birthday present in person.... Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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6/1/2008 2:56 pm |
damn I keep putting off that root canal..bad cancer bad cancer.. Thanks baby for making me smile.. 
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Two missing ribs, a broken neck and a mustache...  (hey, I'm old) Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]
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I am almost afraid to comment..... I am still trying to correlate the octupus and us....... cough.... cough........ . . . cough So I will just drink my wine and prepare myself for what I hope you will be giving me..... ...and it aint sushi  unless you recently became a merman  tender hugs  Atomic......m.ps ...... its always nice of you to provide a bit of high drama for us on the first of the month. he reeks btw
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You'll find that your various jobs as a plumber, pool cleaner, gardener, mailman, and refrigerator repair man are not nearly as glamorous as all the porno movies imply. Yeah, but they paid enough to keep me on the road traveling around doing, uhm, meeting bloggers. BTW: You've never been so far away from your birthsign of Virgo the 'Virgin'...which goes triple for your tranny girlfriend until you realize it does get worse -- she's not a tranny, it's just that damn bad. However, it did let you explore your not so latent homosexuality for a while, so it's all good...right?
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Another round for the Libra table, please. Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
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ooh,can you do me again....aquarius...lol She's Dangerous cause she's Honest-(U2)
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Wait... So I shouldn't have cancelled that dentist appointment? Oh, shit.
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_____I keep telling people, I hate kids, but they just won't believe me. Now maybe they will. {Of course, I do enjoy looking at the teenage girls, in their skimpy summer wear. I'm a b a d man}
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ELEVEN dick$??? damn! with that much protein, I might a$ well be on the Atkin$ diet again! Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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Leo July 24-August 23 You'll find that your various jobs as a plumber, pool cleaner, gardener, mailman, and refrigerator repair man are not nearly as glamorous as all the porno movies imply. LMAO - hugs and kisses. BehindMyBlues
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