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Blogs > rm_bella_ > Confessions Of An Italian

Hot...Slippery and Wet  

rm_bella_ 54F
3313 posts
7/17/2007 6:37 pm
Hot...Slippery and Wet
Now don't ask me why this post has such a title. I have no clue. But this is a repost from 2005 explaining a little more about me...who I am.

To live with me requires a few rules and regulations…don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

When asked if I look like I put on weight after a huge meal the night before and even if you notice my jeans are more than tight…deny, deny, deny!!!

When we wake up in the morning and you try to put your hands through my hair and you realize you need a rake…do not comment. Remove your hand carefully and say nothing.

When I am looking particularly bad one morning with mascara smudge under my eyes you are not allowed to call me raccoon or say in front of your friends I was beat up the night before.

You are not allowed to be upset in the grocery store when I ask you to go to the cashier and pay for my tampons.

You must praise me profusely after I give you…you know…that “special” treat. You must say I was wonderful even if you have had it done better.

When I am in the pool and you are not you cannot be upset if I keep spraying you with water…you must pretend to be happy about it.

If we go to dinner with friends and I want you to do me in their washroom and take pictures…do not resist.

You must not leave the toilet seat up in hopes that I fall in because I will cry!

If I spray my perfume on your underwear you cannot yell at me…just wear them and be done with it.

You cannot take guests into the bedroom to show them my pole…believe me it is difficult explaining what I do with it to those not of our mentality.

You cannot be upset with me for unwrapping and rewrapping gifts under the Christmas tree. Bella is intrigued with gifts and glitter and cannot help herself.

If I start crying do not accompany me otherwise I will never stop.

During my 5 minutes of pure stupidity you are not allowed to video tape or take photos as evidence of what an idiot I can be.

If I call out my own name during sex it is not for vanity…it is just to make you laugh and lose your erection.

Never, and I mean NEVER suggest I get breast implants. I am looking for an excuse and don’t promise me them as a gift as I will make you keep your word.

When I don’t feel like going to the gym and I am complaining you must lace up my Nikes and lead me out the door. Never encourage me to miss my workout because I will be miserable the rest of the day.

Whenever visiting my parents always compliment my Daddy on his hair and my mother on her skin and cooking otherwise they will drive you away.

When the alarm goes off in the morning, don’t encourage me to stay home for the day…because I will even if you decide to go to work.

Never, ever go into my shoe room. All the boxes are color coded and I will know you have been trying them on.

You are not allowed to bring me home ugly lingerie…bring home whorish looking things and I will be happy to model them for you.

Any comments in regards to it being time to go get waxed will cause you to have to come with me and be waxed yourself.

You must not get upset if I know it is your friend calling and I answer the phone saying “house of enema’s may I help you?”

We must have phone sex with me when you are at work because you know how it turns me on.

You must be happy to open your laptop to find I have tampered with your desktop photo. I will most certainly place mine there and you cannot remove it.

Please don’t get on me about my smoking…otherwise I will be forever blowing second hand smoke in your face.

When you are eating junk food you are not allowed to bring me home any but you must allow me a taste of everything you are eating.

Under no circumstances are we allowed ice cream or Nutella in the house. I will take it to bed and ask you to leave.

You must indulge me in my obsession of having sex with my shoes on.

Do not laugh at my hysterics if I break a nail or my finger nail or toe nail polish chips.

If you find me hovering over you while you sleep with tiny scissors or tweezers in my hands you must not move as I am removing your gray hair no matter if I find it on your head or down below.

Please do not refuse me if I suggest we should watch porn or video tape ourselves having sex.

I will teach you Italian but only the bad words and you must use them.

If I answer the phone in an assumed voice and say I am not home until I discover who the caller is you must not be upset or call me immature.

If I answer the phone and it is a wrong number and I pretend it isn’t you must not call me immature.

If we are out in public and I am taunting you sexually consider how lucky you will get when we get home instead of saying I am not acting mature.

You are not allowed to try on my panties.

If we go shopping be patient with me…need I say more?

I will cry if you yell at me so don’t yell at me.

I am always in the mood so feel free to climb on top even if I am sleeping.

Hmmm…any more tonight could be sensory overload….part 2 to follow.

I hope this post has provided a little more insight into me....Resume may be required.

bella
keithcancook 67M
18358 posts
7/17/2007 7:06 pm

 Smiling here...

blog on!


NickRules999 46M
9458 posts
7/17/2007 7:20 pm

 I think I can abide. LOL
Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


digdug41 56M

7/17/2007 7:29 pm

 talk about high maintenance
roaming the cyber streets of blogland


805cream 63M

7/17/2007 7:34 pm

 i think i have it, or most of it, maybe.
tampons, not a problem as my daughters frequently ask me to pick some up for them.
the washroom. also not a problem. how about the dressing room?
i'm properly trained in toilet seat etiquette.
i will drag you to the gym with me.
i will politely ask you to stop smoking as i have seen to many friends and relatives die of cancer. you have to give me this one.
implants are over rated. i like smallish breasts.
since i don't wear undies, no problem. no undies means easy access.
good luck with the tweezers, i'll probably bleed to death.
video away.
why do we have to wait to get home?
i enjoyed your post. don't care how old it is.


AtomicTwat 65M/57F

7/17/2007 10:08 pm

 Great blog - so very creative!

You asked who/what is "Tampon Guy". It's a generic term for the ultimate man. A man who is sexy, intelligent, sensitive, understanding, a good listener... and secure enough to purchase tampons for his woman when she needs some. Hence, the name "Tampon Guy"

Bambi
A Twat



danteszippo 59M

7/17/2007 10:55 pm

 You got me with the "do me in the bathroom" and take pictures. Now thats entertainment...Mmmmmm.

dont mind buying tampons either.


Sorceror07 61M

7/18/2007 8:27 am

 lol! i remember this one

speaking of panties... who won that contest?
...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


bad_assed_witch 109F
33758 posts
7/18/2007 10:19 am

 LOL ! very nice !
~ The New & Improved Cocksucker ~


nakedarkangel 49F
5127 posts
7/18/2007 2:40 pm

 you sketch yourself vey well bella!mmuah!nice very nice...
"Ne te quaesiveris extra."


rm_bella_ 54F
4029 posts
7/18/2007 7:59 pm
    Quoting Sorceror07:
    lol! i remember this one

    speaking of panties... who won that contest?
Sorcoror....The orginal name of the winner of my panties I cannot quite remember although he is now called Billybadass.....Billy, I owe you my panties!!


rm_bella_ 54F
4029 posts
7/18/2007 8:00 pm
    Quoting Wordsmith2004:
    When I am looking particularly bad one morning with mascara smudge under my eyes you are not allowed to call me raccoon or say in front of your friends I was beat up the night before.

    Awww not even a story about a catfight with another chick because you both were wearing the same super-tight evening dress??

    that's COOOOLD!

    You are not allowed to be upset in the grocery store when I ask you to go to the cashier and pay for my tampons.

    Deal...as long as YOU don't mind doing the same with my sixer of Samuel Adams, some Trojans, and a copy of Penthouse Special Edition issues...of course! lol

    If we go to dinner with friends and I want you to do me in their washroom and take pictures…do not resist.

    You're kidding right? Did the one guy who resisted you happen to have only one testicle in the shape of Florida or something was he gay? Poor bastard...

    If I spray my perfume on your underwear you cannot yell at me…just wear them and be done with it.

    My my, TERRITORIAL aren't we?

    You cannot take guests into the bedroom to show them my pole…

    What about mine?

    If I call out my own name during sex it is not for vanity…it is just to make you laugh and lose your erection.

    Go ahead...I'm a vigorously young 26 old....NOTHING will make me lose my "erector set" save VERY cold water or an ejaculation...and even in the latter case it'll rise again faster than a zombie when you forgot to use the shotgun!

    You must not get upset if I know it is your friend calling and I answer the phone saying “house of enema’s may I help you?”

    Only if I get to listen in....
Boy, you'd be easy to get along with....lets be sure after I post part 2!


rm_bella_ 54F
4029 posts
7/18/2007 8:02 pm

 4Nik: One should ALWAYS compliment the parents. ESPECIALLY Mama’s COOKING!!!!

Ohh, mamma already thinks you'd make a good son in law!


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