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| Blogs > rm_bella_ > Confessions Of An Italian |
The Truth About Me
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The Truth About Me Yesterday I had an abundance of time and took advantage by reading through some blogs.I have missed doing that so much. Sometimes you see yourself in others, sometimes it makes you remember. The short of it all. I have always been carefree, a butterfly of sorts, sometimes to a fault. I act before thinking, I speak before thinking. But I am loyal, trustworthy and sincere. The truth about me…..there are many truths that many don’t know. I suppose there are many truths that I don’t know. I used to be a dancer; I used to believe in love. I used to believe in miracles and I used to trust without reason. To be naïve again. It was fun, it was sad, it was fruitful but it also slowly damages a woman. It felt like a slow death that had me wishing my life would end. I used my sexuality to my advantage, for company, for popularity, for sympathy and for evil intentions that I paid for in the end. During this time a blog was created, created to keep me sane. Created to understand what others saw but what I was too blind to see. I had no one to share my thoughts and my truth with. Frightened for anyone to really know my truth. Strangers were kind and loving, more than those in my life. I deleted this blog, but those who read me way back then know my truth a lot more than one blog post. Self-medicating has been a common theme in my life. It gives me comfort, like a warm blanket. It makes me brave and it helps me forget. Temporary is more comforting than reality many times. Unfortunately these feelings don’t last forever. Today I am together compared to my past. But my past tells a story. The true story of me, the depths of my heart and my soul. My reality and the fear of who I really am. If you love me, love me for my real. Maybe a scared little girl that looks under the bed and around the corner? Maybe a strong woman with experience that has led her to where she is now? I have matured, I have learned. This is some of the truth about me. But there is more, so much is missing. A jigsaw puzzle in the making, one piece at a time. And through this blog the pieces come together….one by one. One cluster fuck at a time. The truth about me. Sometimes the truth hurts. bella~  |
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 You wouldnt be who you are and where you are now, if you werent where you were then. Aut viam inveniam aut faciam Tips for Guys to Meet Women  Things i miss most about relationships
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Sometimes you see yourself in others, sometimes it makes you remember. This statement was never more true for me than when I read this post. I applaud your 'truth'  .When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load...
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Sometimes the truth...not only mentally...but also physically hurts. There have been many times I look in the mirror and am amazed that I'm still standing. Although I have never once thought of harming myself... The truth is that I have wanted to remove myself from having to deal with people...even my family. The thought of trying to explain how I was feeling was far to painful to even think of talking about ...with anyone. And the more I pulled away...the more people wanted to know. It was a vicious cycle. The truth is...you and I could be twins...your blog is like looking into a self-biography of me. I often thought my only worth was my outside being...always trying to be that "pleaser"...no matter the cost to my psyche. I often cry for no reason...even in sleep. I can only assume my soul is crying out to me for help...for some sort of relief. The truth is...I'm trying...to not always have to be that person who pleases everyone else... The truth is...I'm a work in progress... I'm not sure what led me to your blog in the first place... but the truth is...I'm happy I made the journey. Smooches my sweet!
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But it will set you free as well. Thoughts from the Garden...
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well spoken! you sound like an amazing beautiful person inside and out..each time i come in contact with you i think the same of you! smazing!! ..just join me on my blog bustybettyboop and still looking for some hot,sexy,creative contestants for my next contest...come join us! need a blog mentor or want to be one? 
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Isn't that the truth, you have seen much! Glad your my friend
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Sometimes the truth...not only mentally...but also physically hurts. There have been many times I look in the mirror and am amazed that I'm still standing. Although I have never once thought of harming myself... The truth is that I have wanted to remove myself from having to deal with people...even my family. The thought of trying to explain how I was feeling was far to painful to even think of talking about ...with anyone. And the more I pulled away...the more people wanted to know. It was a vicious cycle. The truth is...you and I could be twins...your blog is like looking into a self-biography of me. I often thought my only worth was my outside being...always trying to be that "pleaser"...no matter the cost to my psyche. I often cry for no reason...even in sleep. I can only assume my soul is crying out to me for help...for some sort of relief. The truth is...I'm trying...to not always have to be that person who pleases everyone else... The truth is...I'm a work in progress... I'm not sure what led me to your blog in the first place... but the truth is...I'm happy I made the journey. Smooches my sweet!
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That is very sweet, thank you!
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Life is often like something my somewhat stern proud redneck father has always said to me, but on the following he is totally right: True wisdom comes from good judgement. Good judgement comes first through experience, and experience first comes from having made bad judgements...in the past. So you see, even one's screwups can be the seedlings to being wise, if you let them.  Live and learn we do, live and learn!
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9/23/2012 3:09 am |
Two words: Look ahead.
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We all make mistakes, discover we know less now then we did then, and regret pain we have caused others. The best thing is when we accept what has passed and not move on but move up. Actively pursue self-improvement, learn our limits and push past them, and find peace with ourselves. I think there is a child in all of us. This child carries our fears, our angst and our doubts. He or she also carries our wonderment, our curiousity and our optimism. Love the child and become friends. Mine still hides under the sheets because they protect against monsters or blushes and stammers when speaking to a beautiful woman. He sees things with less cyncism, trusts others more readily and is always seeking new experiences. Plus he ALWAYS goes off on a tangent...
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We all make mistakes, discover we know less now then we did then, and regret pain we have caused others. The best thing is when we accept what has passed and not move on but move up. Actively pursue self-improvement, learn our limits and push past them, and find peace with ourselves. I think there is a child in all of us. This child carries our fears, our angst and our doubts. He or she also carries our wonderment, our curiousity and our optimism. Love the child and become friends. Mine still hides under the sheets because they protect against monsters or blushes and stammers when speaking to a beautiful woman. He sees things with less cyncism, trusts others more readily and is always seeking new experiences. Plus he ALWAYS goes off on a tangent...
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Thank you. Lips, I used to follow your blog long ago....glad you stopped by!
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9/25/2012 4:18 am |
I once told my friend I regretted all the years fucking away my life in a band, and wished I had more focus earlier in my life. He told me that this life I led was exactly what made me authentic in my work, what made me what I am now. Nothing in life is wasted if you take it in, use it to be better, use it all to make a better person of yourself. I do believe this but it took an outside view to understand this. Toss the bad, take what's good and improve, its all you can do.
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Ok
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Duh duh duh ...
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