Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
All Flesh Must Be Eaten part 2 - The Dark Waters of Death
|
All Flesh Must Be Eaten part 2 - The Dark Waters of Death Under Water Paradise , once a popular vacation destination , once a source of joy and wonderment , once a celebration of life in all its form , is now the refuge of desperate people numb from the shock of mind-shattering horror . The living dead roam the streets of Sueno Beach , tireless in their search for the living . Driven ever onward , unceasingly , unthinkingly , by their gnawing hunger for still warm flesh . These survivors hide out in the lobby of Underwater Paradise , crouched down behind the ticket counter – where a remains of the hapless ticket taker lie half-eaten – his reward for working late . Fever and Sonic sit together by the wall , both of them not doing so well – their injuries starting to catch up with them . Fever can’t move very quickly with her gnarled leg , but really she’s better off than Sonic , who’s lost a lot of blood and is getting a little woozy . Karl and Smartass are clinging to each other like scared across from them – which is exactly what they feel like too . Fear of the dark is an elemental part of the human psyche – a lingering psychic resonance from the days when man crowded around a tiny fire in some cave and prayed that whatever was lurking around at the mouth of their home would move on . Most people banish it from conscious thought during childhood – but Karl and Smartass have learned that it’s never really gone for good , it just lays low and waits for a few bloodthirsty undead horrors to rear its head again . 40Deuce is standing up between them , dancing around and singing badly – using a shovel as a microphone . 40Deuce (moonwalking) – Thriller ! Thriller night ! You’re fighting for survival , you got to get up , get up , tonight ! (stopping and grinning) Remember ? Jacko starts dancing around and all the zombies do to – it’s the perfect plan ! They can’t hurt us if they’re boogie-ing down right ? Next time they start closing in on us you guys just clap to set the beat and I’m bust on move on their zombie-asses . Before they even know what they’re doing they’ll be moving to the music and I can lead them into a volcano and their fiery deaths ! (starting to dance again) Just another instance were Jacko has saved the day with this musical stylings . I’ll be like the Pied Piper of zombies ! (starting to sing again) Thriller ! Thriller night ! You . . . With a startled cry 40Deuce goes down as Sonic scoots forward a little and sweeps his legs out from under him . She grabs him in a head scissors for a moment . Sonic – Stay down you idiot , and keep your mouth shut – we’re trying to hide here and you’re going to get us found . Understand ? (he nods and she lets him go , sliding back against the wall and putting her one good hand to her stomach) (untranslatable Canadian gibberish) I’m hungry . Fever (her stomach growling) – Don’t remind me Sonic , the smell of ice cream coming off you has been driving me nuts all day . Karl (snorting) – You’re the one dressed like a burrito there pal , I’ve been tempted to knock a zombie down and take a bite out of you a couple of times myself . (everyone is quiet for a while) Do you think this is happening all over the place ? I mean what if this isn’t just a Sueno Beach problem ? What if this is going on everywhere , all over the world ? We might be the only people left on earth . 40Deuce (scoffing) – I doubt it , there’s no way the mutant mole people can’t handle a few zombies . Not to mention the fact that the potato king and his . . . Sonic (kicking him in the side) – Shut up ! Smartass (wryly) – So since DD isn’t here you’re the one who gets to boss everyone around ? Even if this is happening all over the world we can’t be the only people left alive – what about military bases and stuff ? And people who are out on the sea in boats , they’d be okay . Fever – Until they got back to dock . (shaking his head sadly) Poor sailors , they jump onto the dock exacting to find hookers and booze and all they get is some dead guy chewing on their liver . I bet they’ll never see that one coming . And that international space station – you come back home after a long voyage in space and your dead grandma tries to eat you , that’s got to suck . Karl – But we could be the last people on earth , it is possible – we might have to repopulate the earth . Smartass (tugging at her skimpy cheerleader skirt) – Why is everyone looking at me ? Karl/40Deuce (innocently) – No reason . Sonic (snorting) – (untranslatable Canadian gibberish). As much as you (untranslatable Canadian gibberish) might want to take a crack at (untranslatable Canadian gibberish) there it wouldn’t do the world any good . You need at least ten men and ten women to have a wide enough genetic base to rebuild a population . With just the six of us our civilization would be massively inbred within four of five generations especially considering . . . (she looks frankly at 40Deuce and Fever) . . . there’s already a little too much chlorine in the pool . 40Deuce (modestly) – Thank you , I try . Fever – My question is this ; we’ve seen a lot of dead people tonight , a lot – and all of them were half-eaten . What’s that about ? Karl (shrugging) – I guess the zombies like to eat half now and save half for later . Maybe they’re on a diet or something . Smartass (shaking her head) – I don’t see how you can joke at a time like this . Karl (shrugging) – Its either that or have a complete mental breakdown and go as crazy as them (pointing to 40Deuce and Fever) . And I think we’ve already got our crazy quota filled up , so you’re just going to have to deal with it . 40Deuce – Hey ! I resent that implication ! Fever – Ha ! That’s nothing , I implicate your resentment . DD (scaring the hell out of everyone as she steps out of nowhere with axe in hand) – Shut up the both of you . I checked the whole place out , there’s not a zombie in sight . (nodding satisfactorily) I told you losers this would be the best place to come – zombies hate water , that’s a fact . (waving her axe around) Do any of you still think I shouldn’t be the leader ? Huh ? (crossing her arms) I thought not . Karl – Hey DD , if we had to repopulate the earth which one of us would you pick ? DD (snorting) – If we had to repopulate the earth I’d drive this ax into my skull and spare myself the trouble . (waving the axe forward) Now come on , let’s get in there where it’s safer and plan our next move . DD leads the way into Underwater Paradise , which is empty of both zombies and the living alike – not to many people frequent an aquarium in the dead hours of the night . As they follow along behind their fearless leader Sonic and Fever lean on each other and just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other – or crutch as the case may be . 40Deuce is fiddling with a toy dolphin he got as they crossed through the gift shop and whistling loudly . Smartass and Karl on the other hand seem very interested in the tanks that surround them on all sides . They finally speak up as they reach the center of the aquarium and take seats on benches by informative and brightly lit-up displays . Smartass – There aren’t any fish in these tanks . Karl (tapping on the glass behind him) – Yeah , it’s kind of creepy . Where did the fish all go ? DD (scowling at them) – Who the hell cares ? There’s no zombies here – be grateful for that and keep your mouths shut . Creepy ? (shaking her head) We’ve been wandering around on streets covered with blood and brains and innards pursued by the hungry dead and an empty aquarium freaks you out ? Fever – It is kind of spooky . DD (shooting her a dirty look) – Nobody asked you . Here’s our next move , we’re going to wait here and rest for a while and then we’re going to out back . They’ve got them tanks back there where they keep injured marine life until its rehabilitated and can be released back into the wild . That connects to the ocean and they’ve got a little dock out there with a couple of boats . We’ll get on one of them and drive out a mile or so away from shore – surrounded by the safety of water on all sides . Smartass – And then what ? We just wait and see what happens ? DD (crossly) – Do you have a better idea ? We’ll be safe out there , and right now that’s our main priority . Anything else we can deal with as it comes . Karl (sarcastically) – Great plan , we escape the zombies just to starve to death or die of dehydration out on the high seas . I say before we go out on this three hour tour we get all the food and water we can – and gasoline too . We might have to drive up the coast or to Cuba or something . DD (gesturing) – By all means , be my guest , go out there and stop at the supermarket for some munchies , hit the gas station , get your car detailed , and while you’re at it make sure to call home and tell momma you’re dead ! This isn’t a shopping spree buddy , it’s a fucking life or death struggle to survive . Sonic (cutting them off as they start to scream at each other) – Wait just a minute here , let’s talk about this rationally and reasonably okay ? No one needs to go anywhere (patting the glass) we’ve got plenty of water right here . And the sea if full of fish to eat . Fever – Uh , that’s sea water in there Sonic . Sonic (frowning) – (untranslatable Canadian gibberish)? Fever (nodding) – Yeah , the fish in here are the same ones that live out in the ocean you know ? Its like the same water . I don’t think they have any freshwater exhibits – trout and catfish aren’t that exciting . 40Deuce (standing up and walking to the middle of the room) – Thankfully I’m here once again to rescue you poor sods . My dad always told me that if there was ever any trouble to get yourself a kryptonite cross because then you’re safe from both Superman AND Dracula . So the way I see it . . . DD (slapping him silly) – Shut up . Karl (shaking his head) – You know just because you think you’re our leader that doesn’t give you the right to slap us all around like this . DD (turning and leaning in close to him) – You’re right , the fact that I’m your leader and I’m going to save your sorry ass doesn’t give me the right to slap you around . But you know what does give me that right ? Because I’M DD – and you’re NOT ! Karl sneers and shoves her back and only 40Deuce and Smartass jumping up to restrain them keeps them from slugging it out – although Smartass doesn’t have to try too hard to keep Karl under control . 40Deuce on the other hand has his hands full with DD – especially since he’s trying to hold her back with one hand and feel her goodies with the other . DD flips 40Deuce to the ground by the arm and leaves him gasping for air with a stiff-fingered shot to the throat . DD (waving her arms angrily) – What the fuck is wrong with you people ?! Why does everything have to be a fight with you morons ! I’m trying to save your lives – don’t you get that ?! DD goes off on them about everything under the sun , and all five of them back away in fright – not because they’re scared of her , but because in the tank behind her a dark shape is getting larger and larger . They all stare at the rapidly growing shape behind the glass as DD stomps up and down and curses them out for ever being born . As she’s reaching the height of her diatribe Karl and Smartass run for it as 40Deuce , Sonic , and Fever drop to the floor and take cover . DD (seeing them cowering and running off) – What ? What’s wrong with you now ? (disgusted) You’re afraid of me ? Look , I know I’m one scary bitch but show some fucking backbone you cowards ! Yes , I’m the king badass of the world , but . . . Just then the zombie shark slams into the glass at full speed , shattering it and sending a thousands of gallons of water crashing out over DD like a tidal wave . This adult male tiger shark looks like he should be floating upside down at the top of the tank – with little bits of flesh hanging off him and his eyes rolled back in their sockets – but he most certainly is not . He rides the wave of water out like a body surfer , his jaws snapping . The rush of water knocks everyone for a loop and bowls them over – carrying them every which way . The massive zombie beast whips its head from side to side biting blindly as Sonic and Fever scramble away a best than can in their injured condition – Karl and Smartass looking on in horror from a catwalk above . 40Deuce , crazy as ever , leaps onto the writhing beast and grabs onto its fin – whooping and kicking like a cowboy riding a rodeo stallion . The zombie shark goes absolutely berserk , redoubling its thrashing and trying to throw 40Deuce off . Fever reaches up with her crutch and Karl manages to drag her and Sonic up to safety with Smartass and himself . 40Deuce is thrown off violently , his hands and forearms ripped to shreds by the sandpaper like skin , and he hits another tank – the glass cracking . He lays stunned for a moment as the shark zombie flops towards him like some horrible inch worm . From up above Karl and Smartass are screaming for him to get up and run , but 40Deuce sits there in a daze . As the awful undead creature is moving closer the cracks in the glass slowly spread outward and finally it gives way – Smartass screaming as a second torrent of water sends 40Deuce shooting right towards the toothy maw of the undead tiger shark . But the water seems to revitalize him somewhat , snapping him out of his daze , and he twists away at the last moment – shooting along the side of the shark like he’s going down a waterslide . His clown shirt rips off , stuck to the shark’s knotty hide , but he’s able to scramble to the stairs that lead up to the catwalk as the deadly fish flops around trying to get facing the right direction . The five of them watch in astonishment as the shark zombie slowly inches its way towards the steps and with a mighty lunge throws himself on the bottom few . With another lunge he starts to go up the stairs – which are buckling and straining under its weight . As it lunges again the entire catwalk starts to come down – bolts flying out of the ceiling as the support rods break free . The lurching action sends Karl tumbling over the side , but Smartass catches him – her arm almost jerking out of the socket . She starts to go over too , but 40Deuce , Fever and Smartass grab her and haul them both back onto the dubious safety of the catwalk . The shark lurches up further and the catwalk partially rips away – tilting 45 degrees towards the shark’s waiting jaws . The five of them cling to the catwalk desperately , Smartass’s legs flailing just a foot away from the shark’s deadly rows of teeth . But then a waterlogged DD comes back into the picture , grabbing the shark’s tail and pulling him back down to the floor . With surprising quickness the zombie shark whips it tail , smashing her into the wall at high speed . It flails wildly trying to turn around and take advantage of her stunned condition , finally its tail hitting the wall and whipsawing it around . DD is scurrying away just as it makes its bite and she makes a desperate leap – sliding across the wet floor and slamming into a wall . She feels a searing pain and when she looks down she sees only her right foot at the end of her legs – on the left is only a bloody stump . She hears screaming and after a moment she realizes that it’s her own voice she’s hearing . She almost blacks out , her vision swimming , but at the edge of her awareness she sees the zombie shark flopping across the floor – headed her way . She fights to stay conscious , forcing herself to focus and block out the pain . Looking on from above , clinging to the catwalk , her companions are shocked as DD lurches to her feet and limps not away from – but towards the shark ! She mashes her bloody stump down onto the end of 40Deuce’ shovel and pops it up into her hands . Even Sonic is surprised as DD , with one foot , attacks the whipping beast with the shovel . DD (battering the thing with the sharp edge of the shovel and screaming lKarl a madwoman) – Give me back my foot ! Give it ! Its mine ! It’s my foot ! Give it back ! The shark zombie pays no attention to her vicious blows and tries vainly to get around and bite at her . Finally DD drives the shovel into its head like she’s digging a hole for a fencepost and the end of it breaks off – leaving DD with a jagged wooden pole . She looks at it for a second and then rams the splintered handle into the shark’s gill slits . The zombie shark stops moving so frantically , his jaws merely opening and closing reflexively as the smell of flesh fills his nostrils . DD limps away and grabs her fire ax – Smartass turning her head in horror as she starts to hack into the dying (for the second time) creature . Fever is the only one who can watch the whole time as she dismembers the thing and then triumphantly pulls out her severed foot . She falls to the floor , holding the foot and once again covered with blood and disgusting black scum . DD (tucking the foot into the bodice of her dress) – Well , I suppose now we’re going to have to head to the hospital after all . (shaking her head as she uses the axe to lever herself to her foot) Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop using speed . As they move down the streets now they’ve got big problems . DD has a belt around her leg as a tourniquet , trying to reduce the blood flow , and she leans on 40Deuce as she grits her teeth and gamely tries to keep up a good pace . But with Fever on her crutch and Sonic feeling weak they’re barely faster than the zombies . Smartass leads the way and Karl is at the rear , walking backwards with the axe in his hand and striking down any zombie that proves to be faster than the rest and gets too close . Smartass (rubbing her hands together obsessively) – This is not happening , this is not happening , this is not happening . . . . DD (grimly) – Yes it is . Karl (swinging the axe and knocking down a zombie at the head of the pack) - shit on me , shit on me , shit on me . . . . DD (barking orders) – Snap out of it you two ! We’re not going to make it if two of the three people we have left in good shape wig out so get a fucking grip ! You don’t see anyone else losing it do you ? Smartass (spinning around) – That’s because 40Deuce and Fever are already crazy !!! And so are you DD ! SO ARE YOU ! You got your foot bitten of for CHRISTSAKE ! And . . . Sonic (shoving Smartass) – Keep moving (untranslatable Canadian gibberish). Karl (his hands shaking violently as he knocks back another faster than average zombie) – I don’t know how much more of this I can take . . . . . . I don’t know . . . . . I can’t . . . . I can’t (backing into Fever and almost knocking him down) . . . THIS IS CRAZY ! DD – Look people , all we have to do is get to the hospital , sew my foot back on – pump me and Fever and Sonic full of painkillers and adrenaline and we’ll be good to go . Piece of cake . Sonic – You do know how crazy that sounds right ? DD (chuckling) – Crazy ? Look around , we’re in a town infested with the walking dead who are intent on killing us and devouring our flesh – I don’t think crazy has any meaning anymore . Sonic (nodding) – Good point . DD (cutting off Karl and Smartass’s protestations) – Okay we’re going to have to pick up the pace here – we need to get some distance between ourselves and our friends back there . On the double people , move it , move it , move it ! They break into a ragged run , 40Deuce picking DD up and Fever making that crutch fly for all she’s worth . They widen the gap between the pack of zombies behind them and eventually lose them altogether – for the moment . Dodging down alleys and cutting through buildings to avoid other zombies they get to the street that will take them to the Stirling Memorial Hospital . After only a few blocks through Sonic calls a halt . Sonic (holding her hand up) – Wait a minute , wait a minute , I think I have an idea . (looking around to make sure) Yeah , here’s what I want you to do . 40Deuce , you and Karl go over to that bar over there and bring me back as many empty bottles as you can – leave the axe here with DD (waving) Smartass , you come with me . Smartass – What for ? Sonic – There’s no time to explain ! Just do it ! Smartass looks at Karl , who shrugs and then hands the axe to DD – who’s sitting in the middle of the road with Fever . 40Deuce and Karl head for the bar as Smartass hurries up after Sonic . Fever and DD look at each other for a minute and then scoot around back to back – laying the axe to the side where they both keep a hand on it . Fever – What do you think she has in mind ? DD (taking a deep breath) – I don’t know , but it wouldn’t surprise me if this was just a ruse to leave us behind so they wouldn’t be burdened by us . That’s what I’d do and I taught her everything she knows . Fever (quizzically) – Even how to go to the bathroom ? DD (sighing) – If I could reach I’d slap you in the face right now . Fever – Yeah , I’ve noticed you seem to do that a lot . So we’re going to die huh ? DD (shrugging) – Looks like . Fever – Umm . . . . . . too bad huh ? DD – Yep . Fever (after a minute) – Want to play twenty questions ? Over on the north side of the street , inside Mickey’s Irish Pub , Karl is pouring bottles of alcohol out and setting them on a table beside him . 40Deuce is sitting on the floor drinking a bottle of booze as fast as he can and spilling all over himself . Karl (dumping out a bottle over 40Deuce’ head) – What are you doing ?! 40Deuce (taking the bottle away from his mouth for half a second) – DD told us to empty the bottles out . . . (burping) . . . that’s what I’m trying to do . Karl (smacking 40Deuce on the top of the head as he starts to drink again) – Dump them out 40Deuce ! DUMP them out ! Don’t drink them ! She didn’t send us over here to get hammered , she sent us over here to . . . YAAAAAAAAAAH ! That’s the noise you make when a zombie comes bursting out of the bathroom , slips on some beer on the floor , and as he falls latches his teeth onto your backside like donkey eating a waffle . Karl screams again and flails his arms wildly , running around and dragging the zombie behind him like some massive rotting tail . 40Deuce (pointing and laughing hilariously) – The zombie bit your bottom ! In his wild scramblings about Karl smashes into tables and chairs , whipping around violently , but that zombie won’t come loose – he’s attached to Karl’s muscular buttocks like a barnacle to the hull of a ship . Karl leaps over the bar and finally the zombie comes loose – slamming into the bar and tearing off a good chuck of prime rump roast for himself as he hits the ground . 40Deuce is laughing so hard he falls over as Karl comes up behind the bar with a baseball bat in hand and a look of savage<b> fury </font></b>on his face . The zombie slowly gets up and Karl swings for the fence – knocking the zombie’s head off clean as a whistle . Karl jumps back over the bar and continues to angrily pound on the lifeless torso screaming at it incoherently . Karl (spinning to face the still laughing 40Deuce) – What are you laughing at ?! Karl goes after 40Deuce with the bat , who takes off running , laughing all the way . Meanwhile , on the south side of the street Smartass is nervously filling up gas cans at Pete’s Pump and Pay – her eyes darting back and forth and jumping at every little sound . She almost jumps out of her skin as the door bangs open and Sonic comes walking out with an armload of lighters and handkerchiefs . She’s also got a piece of beef jerky in her mouth and she’s singing softly to herself in Canadian . She gets up to Smartass and spits out the jerked meat , making a face . Sonic – How can you people eat crap like that ? (dropping her stuff in Smartass’s lap) Here , you carry this stuff , I’ll get the (untranslatable Canadian gibberish). Smartass starts to say something , but then screeches and clutches onto Sonic’s leg as she sees a zombie slowly shuffling their way from around the corner of the store . Sonic picks up the pump handle that Smartass dropped to the ground and carefully douses the approaching zombie with unleaded ultra plus gasoline . She drops the pump and takes one of the lighters , flicking it on and smiling . Sonic – (untranslatable Canadian gibberish). With that dry cool witticism she tosses the lighter onto the zombie and she and Smartass grab their stuff and book . The zombie lights up like a Christmas tree , still coming after them a few steps before it disintegrates into a flaming mass of lifeless goo . Sonic and Smartass get back to Fever and DD just as 40Deuce and Karl are running back from the other way with their arms full of empty bottles – and one full one . DD and Fever don’t seem to notice them coming right away because they’re singing . DD – I’m just mad about Saffron . Fever – Saffron’s mad about me . Both – They call me Mello Yello ! Fever – Quite right ! DD cuts off , embarrassed , and digs her elbow into Fever back to shut her up . DD – I told you to stop singing that stupid song – we need to be on the look out here ! (looking up at Sonic) How’d you guys make out ? Sonic (horrified) – (untranslatable Canadian gibberish)! This is not the time making out ! DD (confused) – What ? No , I meant . . . (shaking her head) just forget about it . What’s the plan ? The plan is simple enough , and you’ve probably already guessed it yourself . They start moving again , slowly and cautiously , and along the way they fill the empty liquor bottles with gasoline , stuff the handkerchiefs in the necks , and distribute them to everyone – along with a lighter . They also wolf down a few Twinkies and whatnot that Sonic picked up as well . Sonic (brandishing the full bottle) – I told you to empty them all out – can’t you do anything right ? Karl (snatch the bottle away from her and taking a drink) – This one we can empty on the way . (he drinks again and passes the bottle – 40Deuce tries to take it , but he yanks it away from him) Not you ! You’ve already had enough . (he passes it over his shoulder to Smartass) Here you go , a little liquid courage . Smartass (taking a big drink) – God knows I could use it . On the way they manage to avoid any major concentrations of zombies , saving their home-made grenades for when they really need them . They can tell they’re getting close when they start seeing half-eaten corpses with lab coats and medical scrubs laying in the streets . Even closer and they start to see people in hospital gowns , some with IV tubes still trailing behind them run down and devoured partially as they tried to flee . Stirling Memorial Hospital itself has a couple of ambulances out front with slaughtered EMTs and emergency patients lying in and around them . As they arrive there a janitor on the roof is being pursued by a six-pack of zombies and runs out of room . As they close in he leaps to his death rather than be eaten alive . The whole place is crawling with zombies – you can see them in every window and door – some chasing still living victims , others enjoying their grisly feast . DD (limping along with Karl holding her up) – See ? What did I tell you , this place is zombie central . Fever – Yeah , but this is the first time we’ve seen anyone else alive . Doesn’t look like that’s going to last for long though – we better get in there and save them . DD (as they slowly head for the doors) – Save them ? We’re not here to save anyone , we’re here to fix ourselves up – get in , get out . If we happen to save anyone along the way fine (hefting her bottle) but we don’t even know if these things are going to work . 40Deuce lights one of his and hurls it a group of zombies hunched over and ravenously devouring a man with a cast on his arm . It explodes brightly and incinerates the horrid creatures in mere seconds . Karl – Now we do . 40Deuce (happily as he lights another) – Cocktails anyone ? They head in , with Fever and DD in the middle for what little protection that offers . The moltov (or is it molotov ?) cocktails work better than they could have hoped – turning the Stirling Memorial Hospital in a veritable zombie barbecue . And what’s better the sprinklers come on quickly and put out any fires before they set the whole building ablaze . Eventually they reach the emergency room , and Karl takes up a guard position at the door as Smartass and 40Deuce do what they can for the injured parties – which frankly isn’t much . DD (holding her severed foot out) – Come on , just sew it back on already . Smartass (sickened) – Get that thing out of my face ! Do you have any idea how complicated a procedure it is to reattach a limb ? Its major surgery DD , it takes hours and hours ! I barely even know first aid ! 40Deuce (coming over with some sutures) – I’ll do it . Smartass (stopping him) – No you won’t – no one’s going to do it . None of us are surgeons here , we’d make things worse . What we have to do is stop the bleeding somehow and . . . Karl (anxiously) – Whatever you do do it fast ! I can hear them coming . DD (taking the handkerchief out of one of the bottles and dumping it on her stump) – Don’t be ridiculous , the sprinklers probably drove away any that we didn’t fry – zombies hate water damn it ! Fever – Stop saying that ! You don’t know that for sure ! DD – Bite me . As she says that she takes her lighter and sets her bloody stump on fire – wailing like a banshee as everyone else freaks out pretty good . Mostly they panic and run around like chickens with their heads cut off , but Fever has the presence of mind to grab a fire blanket out of the container on the wall and smother the flames . They are gawk at DD for a moment as she lies on the table . After a moment she weakly raises her head . DD (feebly) – There , the bleeding is stopped , now do what you can do for Sonic and Tweedle-dumb and let’s get the fuck out of here . (wiping her sweaty face) Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop using bear tranquilizers . Smartass goes to do what little she can , but just then a cabinet bursts open and someone flies out . With a shout Karl turns and hurls one of the last flaming missiles they have at the form , but Sonic’s hand – quick as a striking snake – snatches it out of the air . She quickly blows it out as the man runs screaming at Karl . Karl puts his hand out and knocks him down with a stiff arm . It’s not a zombie , but rather a short balding man with a beard and glasses in a white coat . He cowers and covers his head . Doctor – Don’t eat me ! Don’t eat me ! Smartass (kicking him in the ribs) – Christ ! Don’t do that ! You nearly gave me a heart attack ! (she shakes her head) We’ve got enough problems without you jumping out at us buddy . Doctor (fearfully peeking out from behind his hands) – You’re alive ? 40Deuce (wryly) – For the time being . DD (arrogantly) – Thanks to me . And then there were seven – an a highly valuable edition too . He’s able to patch them up pretty well , shooting them full of all kinds of happy thing that make the pain go away . By the end Fever and 40Deuce and clowning around with the x-ray machine as he’s working on Sonic’s arm and shoulder . He even packs DD’s foot in a special cooler so that if they get out of here and find a working hospital it can be re-attached . They set out with their spirits renewed and feeling pretty good , but they’re down to their last few cocktails and they have to use them to get outside – the zombies don’t seem to mind the fire sprinklers at all . They get outside and are weaponless again , aside from the axe – which DD insists that she have . Karl (sputtering and pointing to her leg) – But , but , you , your . . . DD (slapping him) – Shut up ! I feel fine now , and even with one foot off I’m a better fighter than you are . (setting the axe down emphatically and leaning on it) Now , which way do we go from here ? 40Deuce – What about the airport ? DD (out of reflex she starts to slap him and tell him to shut up , but she stops) – Wait a minute , what did you say ? 40Deuce – Ponce DeLeon airport is just a few blocks from here . Smartass (hopefully) – Can anyone fly a plane ? Doctor (raising his hand timidly) – A can fly a small plane , I’ve logged about a hundred hours or so . Smartass is so happy she kisses him , but getting a few blocks in a zombie infested hellhole is easier said than done . They try several different roundabout ways to get to the airfields , but there are zombies everywhere – and they’re all hungry . They can’t fight , so their only chance is to run and try to get there from a different angle . They cut through the Dobb’s Animal Park (ignoring 40Deuce’ screaming about zombie goats) but find their way blocked again . They’re about to turn back when Karl spots something . Karl (grabbing DD’s shoulder) – Hey , wait a minute . (pointing) Check that out . DD – A toy store ? What do we want with a fucking toy store ? Karl – There could be something useful in there , I’m going to check it out . DD (snorting) – Fine , we’re leaving , send us a postcard when you get to hell okay ? Fever (pointing the other way) – But look over there , TruValue hardware , I bet there’s something good in there . You guys go check that out while Karl and I go to the toy store . Sonic – Why do YOU want to go to the toy store ? Fever (sheepishly) – Toy stores are fun . So they split up , and go their separate ways . At the hardware store DD , Sonic , Smartass , 40Deuce , and their new doctor friend add a sledgehammer , a few rakes , and a wood chopping ax to their arsenal of a fire axe and a baseball bat . 40Deuce comes up from behind the counter with Cheshire-cat like smile on his face . 40Deuce – I just hit the mother load . (they all turn to look and he lifts up a chainsaw) Oh yeah baby yeah ! DD (slapping him across the face viciously) – Put that down before you kill yourself you moron ! A chainsaw isn’t a weapon , leave it behind ! 40Deuce (laughing) – You stupid fool , a chainsaw isn’t a weapon ? Haven’t you ever heard of a little movie called Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers ? Or a fellow by the name of Leatherface ? DD (slapping him again) – No chainsaw ! It’s not useful as a weapon , it’s too unwieldy ! A chainsaw is not a sword , you can’t swing it at someone and expect to accomplish anything ! Besides , you need fuel for it jackass ! (waving to the others) Come on , let;s go ! Leave that thing behind 40Deuce , I mean it ! 40Deuce looks downtrodden for a second and starts to put it down , but then he stops and puts it on the counter . He takes a bottle of gasoline out of his back giant clown pocket and takes the handkerchief out of it . With a wicked grin he takes the cap off the chainsaw and pours in the gas , putting it back and sneaking out – trying to hide the chainsaw behind his back and failing miserably . Meanwhile , in the toy store Karl is grabbing all kinds of things as Fever is jumping on a pogo-stick and trying to dribble a basketball at the same time while singing the Canadian national anthem . Fever – Ooooooooo Canada , our home and native land ! Our . . . blarrrrrghh ! That’s the noise you might make if a zombie jumped out of a ballpit and tackled you off your pogostick – intent on eating you like a corndog . Fever (trying to keep the snapping mouth part away from his face) – Deity of your choice protect me ! Karl help ! Help ! Karl comes to the rescue with his ball bat – splattering the zombie’s head all over Fever’s face and upper body . Fever takes a moment to comment on how funky that is as Karl helps him up . They hop on a Razor scoot and whiz off to meet up with the rest of their friends . When they do DD sticks out her foot and sends them flying head over heels as the scooter comes to an abrupt halt . DD – God damn it this is serious you sons a bitches ! We don’t have time for you stupid little games ! Karl (coughing as he lays on his stomach) – It’s not a game , that’s much faster , we should all get them . Fever (holding her knee) – And it’s not stupid , it’s a Razor scooter ! DD – Oh yeah ? Well now its garbage ! (she axes the hell out of it) While you idiots were wasting your time at a toy store we were getting real weapons ! (tossing a rake and the new axe at them) Here , take these ! Doctor (whispering to Smartass) – Is she always like this ? Smartass (shaking her head) – Nah , sometimes she can be a real bitch . Sonic (cocking her head and frowning) – What’s that noise ? Fever – Yeah , I can hear it too . It’s kind of a weird combination of a whish-whish sound with a rolling kind of sound . They all stand and listen in confusion and wonder for a moment , but soon enough their question is answered . The entire DeLeon High School in-line hockey team comes skating around the corner and stops on a dime – wielding their hockey sticks with little bits and pieces of gristle and blood on them . 40Deuce – What in the unholy crimson heck is that ?! Fever (nearly wetting herself) – Zombie hockey players from hell ! DD (hefting her axe) – Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit snorting cocaine . Tomorrow – Part Three “Beach Blanket Zombie Blast !” Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
|||
|
It would probably be best if any inidividual person didn't read more than one word Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
| ||
|
Proof that lack of ice cream lead to the zombie invasion. My bad: [image] I tried to take a picture of myself naked in a Good Humour man hat smeared with Rocky Road, but ... (untranslatable Canadian gibberish) Can't wait for beach blanket bingo. (Oh please please please let me get laid at the beach blanket bingo.) I am a celebration of willful chaos and a hugger.
| ||
|
Zombie sharks and hockey players. Genius.  
|
Become a member to create a blog
